I think I know now how insanity, in it's most trivial and common form, emerges.

First and foremost, it comes from not being able to receive any substantial informative valid feedback to what you do. Week by week you do something (might be a repeating action, but different approaches), and expect to see a result... and the result does not come. No result you were hoping for. Neither attempt is no good or no worse than any preceding or subsequent one.
Am I going the right way at all?
Is anything going on here at all?
Hello? Anyone out there?
And so it goes: week by week, and if objects started talking to you suddenly, or if you started hearing voices in your head - that would have been a better sign than no sign at all. Day by day - seeing all your energy being sucked into the void. And then, at some point, something just shifts in your head...

Meine Uni periodically issues email warnings of crimes occuring on campus.

About once a month a report is emailed describing the evens where people got stabbed near the Light Rail stop, harassed with an attempt to be kissed and chased into a ladies' room, punched, robbed. The most recent incident involved 3 people being shot in the neighborhood, although near a different campus.

Today's crime warning email talked about an attempted robbery of a backpack by a Hispanic guy of aprox. 180cm and 100 kilos. Not only did he target a victim walking along with friends; after an unsuccessful attempt to get the backpack - he apparently fled being chased by the victim's friends and lost his shoe.
....

I immediately start picturing in my mind a big gloomy guy in a hoodie, picking out of all passers-by on a dark evening and throwing himself into a middle of a group of people to pull off a backpack, after a few seconds realizing something had gone wrong, and continuing to realize something had gone wrong as he is now being chased by just the recent victims up the street so quickly a shoe slips off his foot and quietly escapes the scene.

Just last night I was grumbling about how lucky Putin is, despite everything he does. Something always happens that he can turn around in his favour.

Hosting Winter Olympics and winning to host Football Cup - but of course! No matter how much money mysteriously disappears in the process, - we're a great nation, we deserve it!

Civil war breaks out in a neighboring state - time to say "tut-tut!" to a nation who have been in vain hopes of spurting economic growth, development and quality of life. Set them as a bad example of see-what-happens-to-the-disloyal-ones?!  to your own nation. Feeding the bullshit of some Fascists, NATO, US secretly participating in the war to your own people successfully - definitely requires some tremendous amount of luck going your way.

Actually, successfully feeding your people the bullshit of nearly the whole world conspiring against them for many years - requires some tremendous luck.

Terrorist attacks and violent shooting in developed countries - serve them right!

Annexing part of the neighboring country while it's at war? - sure, we're a great nation, on our way back to being an Empire! (apparently) :)

Providing asylum to Snowden? - Yep, let the world know what the real Democracy is!

EU approaches Russia after having suffered a number of terrorist attacks? - of course, that's because we're great!

But fine. There's a good opportunity to improve relationship with the EU and USA, to unite and contribute and to really do something that counts and can make your people proud. After all - here's a common enemy - a real one! - and you do have resources, and you're the one being approached! A very, very good chance to start off a new clean page!

...Leaving it on this thought makes reading the news at 3am about the shot down SU-24 and Putin's response, threats of sanctions and calling for the Russians to cease visiting Turkey a bit like a... deja vu (deja lu) caused by sleep deprivation.
A big fat vicious circle deja vu.

The world is changing.

On a large scale, major changes are inevitable. The entire human history is the history of new discoveries made, rise and fall of empires, values changes, cultures abandoned, technical innovations playing "survival of the fittest" game with traditions and lifestyle (not in favour of the latter).

On a much smaller, much more selfish scale... I dread these changes. I learnt the world as it was centuries and centuries ago, I know it well the way it is now, and this is the way I want it to stay. I know the existing system well enough to understand and analyze current global events, and make plans for my life and the life of my family accordingly. Is it likely that during my life at least one major geopolitical change will take place and the balance of power at some point of our planet will shift? Most likely than not! Will I be able to adjust and adapt to whatever chain of events this will cause? Absolutely! Will I be able to make new speculations about my life, make plans for education, traveling, work? But of course!

Once again, the mankind has been through revolutionary, rather than evolutionary, change hundreds of times. And yet, on a scale of my single short human life, I want to hold on to science, culture, art medicine, philosophy and peoples just as they are now. One stupid move - and the world does change, people within it change in response,  and it may so happen - that whatever I am used to, whatever I appreciate, respect and value - will cease to exist.

Life as a mother of 2. Month six.

Chinchilla Jr is eating his third breakfast. Or having an early brunch. Or a coffee break. Chinchilla Sr asks for immediate help with potty - he uses the adult toilet because... he just has to.

I stop feeding Chinchilla Jr, put him in his bed, go and help Chinchilla Sr sit on the toilet. Chinchilla Sr suddenly changes his mind, jumps down and tries to run away. I catch him, remind him 5 seconds ago he needed to go, and put him back up. Chinchilla Sr cries <possibly> that life is not fair and I suck, jumps off the toilet again, at the same time trying to get out of my hands, and as I realize insisting is pointless and let him go - he gets into a tantrum, loses balance and falls down on the floor his cheek against the tile.

As he gets air into his lungs to tell me again life is not fair and I suck, before returning to his interrupted tantrum, I quickly walk out, closing the door behind me and instructing him to join me once he's done crying and realized that throwing himself side to side between a toilet, a bath and travertine tile is not worth it and would hurt not me, but him most. Literally.

Meanwhile, Chinchilla Jr has grown impatient and wants the rest of his breakfast. Or coffee. Just as I pick him up and continue with him, Chinchilla Sr appears in the bathroom door with a bleeding lip. I freak out, leave Chinchilla Jr right on the nursing chair to run up to Chinchilla Sr and make sure he did not lose a tooth or break his nose.

Chinchilla Sr has his nose intact and his full set of teeth in, and no blisters anywhere on the face, except for the upper swollen lip - which he must have hit his teeth against, when falling. I wash his face, take off the vest with a stain of blood, wipe the blood from the floor and as Chinchilla Sr turns into his highly energetic smart and sly self, hear a boom! sound coming off the nursery.

Chinchilla Jr, apparently having lost us out of sight for a whole minute and started for worry, crawled off the nursing chair backwards. With his legs getting off the chair first. And is now lying on the carpet, telling me life is not fair and I suck.

*******

The following day Chinchilla Jr manages to roll off the changing table. Since he is actually fastened to his changing pad, the changing pad, which is much bigger than him, somehow gets carried down with him and ends up covering him on the carpet. Chinchilla Jr tells me I'm not fair and life sucks and that I need to do better than just milk if I want him to calm down.

After running around with Chinchilla Jr., panicking and googling what needs to be done and what the risks are, I realize I need to give a call to the pediatrician's office to let them know we're running late for the scheduled flu shot for Chinchilla Sr. For some reason my call can't go through and I can't reach anyone in the office. I leave Chinchilla Jr to the nanny - both are giggling at me panicking and the fact Chinchilla Jr has his trademark smile back on his face allow me to breathe a little deeper, - leave instructions with her, grab Chinchilla Sr and drive off to the pediatrician.

Chinchilla Sr gets his thigh poked - it's getting harder to control him, as he's much stronger and smarter than a year ago. He cries that nothing is fair nowadays and everything sucks, but only until the nurse leaves the room. Both Chinchillas do it - must be some sort of self-worked out strategy of getting rid of strangers with needles. Later today, in the middle of the night he will develop an adverse reaction to this shot...

But now I want him to calm down and feel better and walk in the snow in our drive way and across the street with him. He wants to walk in the stream of melted snow: grabs my hand, pull me towards him, hears a crow and says "Varrooon" with very much French accent and pronunciation, and  - I can't say no to him.

Spend the next 20 minutes running in the snow and in the water. I need to be in the office - needed to have been there a while ago - so after continuing taking Chinchilla Sr into coming home, I grab him and walk with him across the house to the patio. The bribe works for a short while. He wants to get down into the backyard, but the stairs are covered with 4 inches of sticky snow and I've had enough of one kid falling down this morning already.

I tell him he can walk around the patio as much as he wants, but block the way to the stairs with a folded patio chair. He gets through just for the sake of it, pretends he does not hear and tries to escape. The rebellious attempt gets him back indoors without boots, hat and jacket and... screaming.

Screaming so hard Chinchilla Jr, who has finally fallen asleep after almost an hour of trying - is woken up. And tells us all life is not fair and we suck.

Rebot.

Repeat.

I'll miss these days.

All petty things always come up in batches but never mean much.

That is, it's not too bad when an espresso maker breaks down all out of sudden or when your bathroom is about to be taken apart and turned upside down, or appliances or plumbing are acting up. All that's negligible, even thought weeks can go by feeling like all you every day is playing tennis against three. All day long.

It's much worse to binge google side effects of spinal surgery or vein removal and hope that everything goes well with the former, and the doctor has enough experience and knowledge and there'll be enough luck in the air at the time of surgery. And trying to decide if the later is absolutely necessary right now, or can wait until thrombosis starts to form and what not.

And then the fact of adding some formula to Chinchilla Jr's breast milk  - that completely throws me off the balance. Although having nursed for over a year now - 5 months of exclusive breastfeeding since birth is way more than I have hoped for, with both babies.  Still.
One day I will look back at this time of my life, and laugh...

October.

For a few weeks now I end up sitting in the same Light rail car as a big man in large headphones, humming and talking to himself. His humming is so loud, long  and deep-in-the chest, it keeps all the passengers who have not heard it before confused by  the sound ' s origin, and when I first heard it myself I thought the train car was going off the rails.


Today's the coldest day of this semester, with drizzling rain and gusty winds developing as I am already waiting for my train at the stop. sitting in the car I catch myself thinking my shoes are two light and thin for such weather. This thought flows into trying to remember the last time I was wearing weather-incompatible shoes. Must be when working at La Reserve - I did have to take train and walk to and from train stations. Good times!.. Where did I keep my work shoes then? Must be my locker - yes, I did have a locker in the staff changing room. Was it also where I would keep my German study book for the times I arrived to work too early in the morning? Must be.


It's amazing how such details escape conscious mind for so many years - not that I needed to refer to them daily, and because I needed to constantly keep my mind clean for other... thoughts. But they've been somewhere deep down my memory all along. As I pass downtown, I take a different route to the building my class is at, and when glancing in the window of a hotel I walk by I see a team of waiters circled around a Maitre-d'  and realize they're going through their instructions, and their shift is about to begin, and it's going to be a pretty busy evening with such nasty weather outside.

Dear Chemists, Chemical Engineers, Environomental Scientists et al!

On behalf of that luckiest part of the present day human kind who live in permanent accommodation  - and therefore, have to run a household,  and who also have children - and therefore, deal with a number of items and objects meant to ease up the process of raising up children, I seek your help in inventing, creating and making available:

1. A THING working on neutralizing the chemical part in gels, powders, creams, liquids used either for house cleaning or for personal hygiene. When a toddler squeezes out shampoo on the carpet, scatters dishwasher detergent all over the kitchen floor - it would be great to... pick whatever you can and put it into a THING  to make the end product less harmless for the environment. If you need to dispose off of a 1/4 bottle of hair conditioner  that by no means work for you anymore - instead of flushing it all down the toilet, it would be much better to run it through the THING and minimize the overall amount of the chemicals run in the sewage waters because of waste. 
2. STUFF for turning the contents of the baby and (especially) toddler diapers into all-natural organic fertilizer. All you need to do is to throw  in a filled up  compostable diaper. Just imagine - a Diaper Genie size STUFF that stands near your changing table or in the bathroom and keeps those extra... few pounds a day from going into a landfill,  but rather to actually benefit land. Priceless for those who have an excess of used diapers at home, and their green thumb spouses' little garden in the backyard. 
3. A SOMETHING that composts kitchen waste of organic origin in matter of days. I believe works on the prototype that used bacteria were already carried out, but please - come up with a SOMETHING affordable and available to the middle class, kitchen-size and  fully baby proof.

To any Chemists and Environmentalists that are in fact genius scientists: is there any way to design an exothermic THING, STUFF and SOMETHING? On the household scale, we could all use some additional energy...

I'm sure for many this will be an easy and logical step to contribute a small improvement to the world by "starting with themselves". On my end, I am willing to volunteer for the projects as idea contributor and the final product tester ;)

Sincerely,

Rita.

Second postpartum recovery is complete:



Ran my first 5K postpartum - which technically indicates I'm back to pre-prenatal shape - without killing my ankles and lungs. And judging by the photo it only took me .02 mile to get my phone ready and document the achievement.

 

#26. Martin Eden.

On one hand, I feel frustrated and embarrassed I didn't pull myself together to make time to read this novel earlier. On the other hand, it does leave me with mixed feelings I doubt I would have had even a year ago. On the third hand Just as I could live every line talking about all the effort required for learning and all the challenges of self-improvement (and I love works about and biographies of autodidacts!), the last few chapters completely smudged the integrity of Martin's personality, leaving very much under doubt the phenomenon of adverse change in such a short period of time for a person of extraordinary will and abilities. I couldn't even explain what exactly does not seem true; maybe I already have Man's search for meaning too deep in me, overwriting the possibilities of fatal disappointments and apathy...

Sunset almost soaks in my Light Rail train as it is rushing south, away from the Downtown.

The last car is full of people, yet the sun rays find their way through the windows, through the crowd to my little green book lying on top of my backpack. On my way to the seat I managed to drop my lipstick and nearly the backpack itself. I'm lucky I got a seat though and am now able to try to focus on the revenue recognition principles. I've actually been pretty damn lucky recently.

A few days ago a potential nanny called to accept our offer. She was my first and most preferred candidate, and, having discussed some details on the work hours, I hung up and slowly breathed out...

Almost at the same time as my nanny seeking quest came to an end, our garage door, front door and frames were painted - finally putting an end to almost 9 month long house repair and maintenance process that followed last September's hail storm. Next project - bathroom remodeling, which I now feel less annoyed about and more like putting an end to.

My Ethics class, as it turned out a couple of hours ago, will focus on decision planning and planning. This couldn't have been more useful and timely - I will need to make quite a few serious decisions soon. Sure enough, the Universe is conspiring to provide enough resources to help me finish my most important project in the next six month :) Besides, the International Organizations' Management class just had to be available for me now, so I could make up timing for it and work out that if I listen to the online lectures at gym during my workouts - I will be able to follow the course and complete assignments according to the schedule. So far it works like magic. And when I complete the quizzes at home, in my own study space on a full size laptop, and the University logo pops up and the course picture show as I sign in - I bet I can smell the blossoming chestnut trees, forming a maze of shady alleys in the park this University is located at.

2/3 of summer 2015 is gone.

If I had to describe what the past 2 months looked like for the most part, I'd say, something like this:

Despite completing a Master level course with a solid A, enjoying the course, and staying alive and sane in the progress, this was an experience I could not have recommended to any new mom!

The Ethics class starts August 18th. Then I will be done with the education part for good.
Sooner than this, on August 10th, starts my online class in International Organizations. Can't believe it all worked out well and I actually got access to it!

The first draft of the Business Plan calculations is done. There is much more to it than I expected, so it will require a couple of updates.

Early July Von Zobel and I managed to get out for next-to-last Kurious performance in Denver. First and foremost, God bless sisters as good as mine! Second, it's amazing how once you put a goal to go out/ have a date every month, you actually come up with opportunities and ideas to do so, and are less afraid of leaving your kids for several hours (less afraid for the person babysitting that is! :) ).

The reading goal is 50% complete - 25 books read, and 25 more to go. So many more interesting books on my list, and I have absolutely no idea if going through them at the same speed I'm going now will help me cover them all before year end.

Did some home improvement, changing the carpet in boys' and guest bathrooms to tile. No more carpet drowning, Dr. Chill Sr! The funniest thing was - the tile installation started right when I was in the hospital with Dr. Chill Jr. Having disappeared for a couple of weeks after receiving the payment from me, the company called me a few hours right after giving birth saying the team can be at our place to start working on the floor the next day, and that it is important I agree on this as they are not sure when the next availability would come up. Drugged and exhausted as I was, I was still able to understand what they meant and coordinate the installation with Liz and Nanny, instead of using my right of a woman who just gave birth to lose it and yell at them to pull their shit together, which once again proves I'm a Wonder Woman. 

Traveling still does not look realistic until end of this year, International travel for sure.

How I can most effectively combine studying and taking an exam with the rest of the goal on my list, and still spending as much time with my family as possible still remains a mystery. But I'll sure find a way.

Adding to the agenda - finding a new good nanny; putting together a new Fall schedule.

My body is happy, my body is singing, my body is back to gym!

 It is an amazing feeling to have your body under control again, do what feels good, do what you know is right. Surprisingly, I'm not even half as much out of shape as I thought I would be after pregnancy. I would like to believe that all those yoga classes, walking and swimming during this last few weeks of pregnancy are finally paying off. 

Definitely, any woman who takes her health, physical capabilities, mental state of mind for granted - should have at least one kid in her life to fully appreciate being in harmony with herself, strength and self control.

Heading towards birthday party on Saturday evening all by itself seemed unreal:

All the way along  E470 where the road sides are neatly landscaped with multi-color pebbles and the open space on both sides is just too vast and bright. Big mall on late Saturday afternoon is heated all the way through and filled with people. I find myself standing near a crossroad with with my phone in hand, trying to figure out where the painting studio is, when I suddenly notice fountains to the left of me and kids trying to jump into the upright stream of water, and their mothers sitting at street cafe tables nearby, and the pretzel booth right in front of me, and a group of guys in their thirties wearing shorts and sandals throwing a glance as we walk past each other... and the sun keeps heating and heating up the pavement under my feet, and the Sun dazzles.

The feeling of a realness comes back to me. I feel like being on a mall on a Saturday evening,  where everybody is just relaxing, having fun and wasting time - is not right for me. It is just like being lost somewhere in time, being several years back, where nothing of my presence life exists.
Or maybe, it would make sense to live this very moment in time at a different place right now: for example, celebrating the birthday of Switzerland, being  there to live through this vivid outdoor experience right now. 

But then, here I am. Scary to think what would become of my feelings and perception of reality should I not force push myself to normal life as soon as possible, following crucial and significant changes in my life.

The Universe conspired in giving me another quick life lesson:

Always entrust services and assistance that concern your family to professionals. Always outsource to professionals. Don't be nice to friends of family, don't be nice to friends of friends; don't buy their rushing to get out of a tough life situation and unfair employment conditions right now.

Always. Use. Professionals.

I thought this hard earned wisdom is so important I should put sticking to it on my 2016 resolutions list. Then I realized  there was still almost half of 2015 left, so I'd better start sticking to it now.

One call home - and within a second an emptiness grows deep inside.

The person who taught me to play chess, told the plot of the whole Le Comte de Monte-Cristo before I read the novel and the plot of Gaidai's comedies before I watched them, who was doing math lessons with me, told me jokes about his work when I was a kid and shared the memories of his service in the army and bomb testing after, who came up with the name for my sister and could have been a successful scientist had he been born in a different country - died. 

And now deep inside there's nothing but emptiness, sorrow and worry about Dad and Grandma. They're coping ok now, but what about when the shock and stress fade?

Now I only have Grannies left. 

I'm only happy he feels good now and does not suffer anymore, and that he had seen his both great grandsons.

All I feel like doing this first month of postpartum recovery

is eating, sleeping and watching distracting movies or tv-series.
Of that the closest I can get to is eating, and even that is an irregular and chaotic activity.

Instead, I ended up with an MBA course to complete, two bureaucratic systems to fight, a toddler to entertain and maintain good relationship with (never mind the order of appearance, that's #1 priority), a crowdfunding campaign proposal and grant proposal drafts to write, scanning job market for some challenging and rewarding job opportunities, - that's not to mention non-stop cleaning, cooking, laundry and other secondary, life supporting activities.

One interesting child-gadget that's new for us - is the Bob Duallie stroller with a car seat adapter. There's something incredibly fun putting both little Chinchillas in the same stroller, and watch them give the proud important looks of CEOs in BMW-7 series from their seats (one can have this look being few weeks old). Top this up with ankle weights and a good audio book in the smartphone - and having two small children is getting better and better!

Grant and crowdfunding proposals are very interesting projects; even though they were new to me when I started - I found it easy to put them together. Probably all business plan writing became useful :)   Speaking of which, there is another business plan I owe to myself, which I get to finish this month...

***
Dark clouds and sporadic sunlight beams outside cast strange light on the branches of the ash. The branches bend in the harsh gusty winds. The whole tree seems to shake from side to side. I have Dr. Chill Jr in my arms, he's looking straight into my eyes. All this creates a weird feeling of the surroundings, time and everything else in my life now being surreal.

My Forensic Accounting assignment on a case study of money laundering scheme by a drug trafficker

has just popped out a question on how the investigation of the suspect for "drug trafficking and money laundering" should be performed. I went over the relevant chapter's introduction and conclusion - no mention of drug trafficking investigation concepts coming as a bonus to the auditing part.

...I'm fighting the urge to reference Breaking Bad series as a source as I'm answering the question, and am wondering whether I will get a chance to apply something from the Forensic Anthropology course I took a few summers ago in my current course as well.  As in: "analyzing skeletal remains while indirectly reconstructing income", for instance.

It's raining cats and dogs.

If I were to put it in a more dramatic way, I would say my life, as I had been living it until recently, was washed away. But I am not dramatic, and the summer started really well.

On Chinchilla Jr's due date nothing went as expected and no one could explain what was going on. The only resemblance from this time two years ago - is that I left for the emergency thinking that in a couple of hours and a few hundred dollars later they will simply send me home, as there is no way I can have the baby today.

Ha.

Within the next 12 hours I first went through a very peculiar experience of having 2 doctors and 3 nurses running around worried about the screening results and, although not being able to fully explain what exactly went wrong, deciding to induce the labor. Just in case. Followed by an attempt of hormonal induction which, apparently, made things even worse and one doctor and a few nurses run around me again. Followed by a perspective of going through a mechanical induction, which I refused to have without anesthesia. Followed by anesthesia which made be sob all out of sudden, then lose my voice and ability to speak completely, then lose ability to even breathe normally. Von Zobel had to bring over a pen and a sheet of paper so I could explain what was happening to me. Followed by attempts to stabilize and get by breathing and voice back - in order to concentrate on getting control over my body back I had to get some focal point, and I could not think of anything better than to start counting out loud in German. Starting out with hissing whisper, but it did the trick! Followed by kind request to the medical team to hold off any further creative plans for induction whatsoever. Followed by good old pitocin and a perspective of an emergency c-section should there be another... well, emergency.

I spent the next couple of hours literally talking my body into cooperation unless it wanted to be cut open; and - interestingly enough - my body listened :) At about 4am it became clear I will not need more induction and most likely - no c-section. That called for a celebration with a cherry popsicle  and nothing else mattered!

When in 4 more hours long awaited Dr Chill Jr made an appearance to our beautiful world, he first moved his head and turned it left and right - Dr Chill Sr had control over his neck and head right away too, so I was not too surprised - and then started quickly pushing his feet, as if trying to crawl.
My first thought was: "Wow, it's been 5 seconds since you were born, and you're trying to run away from me already!..".

The renters got both sets of keys, the new dishwasher is ordered and the time frame for the tile installing will be confirmed soon.

And with the all necessary plumbing done in thee condo I feel like I might have time for having a baby after all :) May was productive!

June, in its first week, has already managed to get some old connections back to me, and new connections that somehow relate to my past work, projects or experience. I wonder what's to become of that.
 The past month brought over 3 new books I read, a big chunk of education for Project B and a sudden "magic kick" on the urgent need to act quick. Also - good to health for family and myself, and no emergencies or accidents, continuous and persistent sport practice (even for the past 2 weeks I did 6 days straight + 5 days straight).
Managed to continue date nights with Von Zobel(God bless younger sisters!),  And should everything go well, tonight's date will mark the goal for the month of June.

There was a trip to Santa Fe, bright and hot, and I  am glad we did make it happen. The summer already looks to be  emerged into family matters and studies, which is of course, of utmost importance right now, although I wouldn't mind having a chance to travel somewhere.

Three days of hail in the row.

It's good that Von Zobel has fully installed the greenhouse: the loss from last night's hail was minimal: a pot of young basil and a pot of flowers.

Interestingly enough, I remember being way more impatient when expecting Arthur - by week 38 I could not wait to meet him in person :) Now I almost don't think about having a baby (and not looking forward to the actual process either), as I know this is something that will come around soon anyway. On the contrary - I caught myself saying a couple of times last weekend when talking to somebody at a party: "Oh, there's no way I can have my son in the next few days, I'm way too busy this week!", "Too much going on, and all the unfinished stuffed in the condo... I definitely can't have the baby before my due date" :) The attitude does change. Now it is - "what goes around comes around, I just need to make sure in the next couple of weeks I'm done with my prenatal-bucket-list and do not become more sleep deprived than I will anyway become... in a month".

In a month I will be able to wear my regular clothes again. I will be able to go to sauna, have all-I-can-eat raw fish sushi rolls, resume running, boxing and long walks with audio courses in my ears, ankle weights and a stroller to push...

The lane lines in our swimming pool are light-blue and white. So are the little flags stretched above the center of the pool. When swimming back and forth becomes too boring and annoying, focusing on the colors and ignoring sounds can help imagine I'm somewhere in Bavaria :)

The difference between the first and the second pregnancy is that the second pregnancy is much more... empowering!

Having some experience with pregnancy diet already, now there is no need to refer to the "safe foods" guidelines on bookmarked Babycenter page. No need to count calories consumed and calories burned on a phone app either; when expecting the second child the deal is - when you have a chance - you eat!

The first trimester of the first pregnancy feels like 10 hours of sleep nightly would not be enough; during the first trimester of the second pregnancy I could function on the usual 6-7 hours just as well. At the same time I could also manage my mood swings better (especially if Arthur was nearby), and... ignore hallucinations.

I was generally able to maintain same level of physical activity throughout both first and second pregnancies - say, at 37 weeks I still do prenatal yoga twice a week and swim twice a week - but certain things that seemed impossible 2 years ago just happen now! For instance, 2 years ago I stopped jogging around month 5, when my belly started showing, and by month 8 whenever I had to cross a road running I was literally holding my belly with my hands, and yet it was still shaking and jumping up and down, making me worried about the baby and convinced I physically can't run or jump anymore at that point of my pregnancy.

Ha-ha-ha.

3 weeks till the due date - whenever Arthur sprints away from me in the street at an unpredictable trajectory, I chase him at a speed faster than a car coming our way and before a single thought of whether I'm supposed to be running crosses my mind. If I have to run - I will :) If at a playground I have to climb up a few steps to help Arthur get on the top of the slide and then - to jump down and run to the bottom of the slide to catch him - I will. I will also lift or carry around these 26-27lbs of pure awesomeness: if that needs to be done immediately - all out of sudden I can do that! :)

I am also one of those lucky women who never suffered from morning sickness throughout their pregnancy, but I can speculate that if I were prone to it, my nausea experience during the second pregnancy would have been much less brutal. Of other significant differences - this time I am much less swollen than 2 years ago, however my lungs gave up on jogging after month 2.

As for the remaining few weeks, the actual big day and the time of recovery - I am even more curious how things will work out this time. I'll have to wait just a little bit more until I actually have the right to compare and make conclusions :)

I should definitely resort to my own methods more often.

Rather than having unlimited patience with a potential tenant whose actions for the past 2 weeks were contrary to what he claimed his intentions were - I put an end to what turned into a time waste for both of us, and promptly got into a 3-year lease agreement on good conditions.

Rather than continuing searching for good and inexpensive team to do wall painting in condo - painted the walls that needed it most myself, spending not more than an hour on this (please do not attempt on week 36 of pregnancy though!).

Since the HOA could not have provided neither any information on the faucets and trim sets used in units in our buildings, nor - on who the builder was - jumped on ordering the new item online. Our condo's HOA have only been in a lawsuit with the builder for the past... 5 years, but I've been through too much with them already not to start hitting my head upon the wall when the customer service tells me they - unfortunately -  have no information about the builder.

Having realized I outgrew my current UN projects, applied for and got hired as part of the Grant proposal writing team. Although that's a totally new experience for me, I have a feeling of certainty that this is something I can and will do well and easy, and - that this is something that will become very useful in the future.

Life keeps proving it over and over again - as long as I stop beating dead horse and clean up the space  - new bigger better options will come up. I should have more faith in my own methods and strategies :) As long as I stop wasting time with insignificant things -  plenty of time will be created for successful carrying out of big projects, as well as for smaller but nonetheless - very pleasant accomplishments and moments with important people.

In particular, crossing off the main action items this week's to-do list got topped off with:

• finally ordering a good Russian ABC book for Dr Chill - and it shipped immediately, 
• picking a new prenatal masseuse - she's the first one not afraid to apply quite a bit of pressure along my spine and not treating me like a crystal sculpture; 
• having a great date night dinner with Von Zobel, trying new dishes at Le Central (usually we can't move past the mussels selection), tasting new wines (yes, in plural), and chit-chatting through the whole dinner;
• discovering that I will not need to bother with CO unemployment tax payment until June. Yay!
• attending a big birthday party of a close friend, and bringing Dr Chill with us. The courageous little Chinchilla survived over 3 hours of a noisy party full of adults and older kids without making a scene (I wouldn't if I were 20 months old);
• buying and assembling new crib for Dr Chill Jr, as well as a new mattress. 3 weeks till the due date sounds like time some preps for the youngest kid needs to be done :) The crib is now in our bedroom, which gives me a very... weird feeling (and makes appreciate those 6.30 hours of sleep I can now get).

And now, after being done with all this - the rest of Sunday afternoon will be spent in outdoors all-family pregnancy photo-shoot directed by Liz, cooking cabbage with beef and eating up our first-of-the-season cherries and apricots.

Using our first weekend in-town together as a family in a while

we went to give Dr Chill his first haircut. Never thought a toddler can be so good about having a stranger do something to his hair: as long as he could look into the mirror from time to time and figure out where the buzzing or clinging sounds come from, he would continue to sit patiently without a single whine, and Von Zobel's and my responsibility would boil down to keeping various toys in front of him so he kept his head straight (something even I am not always able to do during a haircut).

With an accurate trim all over his head, Dr Chill started looking 4 months older and acting at least a year more mature  :) with a serious look, he courageously took 3 trips in store carts around 3 different stores that day; became extremely hungry after the haircut but survived to get a snack pouch at a store (although not to upset him too much, I, for the first time in my life, allowed him to start eating the puree from the pouch before I paid for it at the check out.

The next hour and a half was spent looking for a plastic bucket, and - using the bucket - deep cleaning carpets in our condo - a real all-family activity. Sr. Director Chill was grabbing my hand and  pulling me from a room where the carpet was being cleaned to the bathroom so I could fill the bucket with hot water and solution, and then was pulling me back so I could replenish the water in the cleaning machine. It's amazing how he just picks up what's going on in a matter of seconds!
He was also trying to paint the walls in the bedroom using the new brush and roll I'd just bought, for "Does a boy get a chance to whitewash a fence every day?"(c)

Nearly made it on time for the afternoon nap, which gave me some time to study and catch up with my to-do list stuff. The guests arrived at 6 for a nice big pot of beef and veggie roast, portobello mushrooms, bacon wrapped artichoke, green salad and a cheese tray, blueberry cake, macaroons and fruit. The next few hours were filled with great warm conversations and watching Dr Chill and his lady guest play together - and he was really great about playing with her, sharing toys and even crawling with her around the house! A real gentleman at his 20 months!

Later at night - quick clean up and nearly passing out with a movie, drinks and cheese and berry left overs. Another month to live a productive and intense family and social life. And then - we'll see how it all goes and what I make of it. But for now - that's what May 9th should definitely be like. 

There is something about relationship with other people I probably notquite understand.

 Or maybe not following the proper pattern in the right way. Or maybe unconsciously following a completely wrong one.

Tenants submit rent check that bounces back, apologize, convince me it'll never happen again,  once the check bounces back second time - say due to the payroll error they're out of disposable cash for the next 2-3 weeks. That is, until their  move out date :) And point at their security deposit I can keep for the last month rent.  Is it worth starting a scandal with them already?

Patiently refer the tenants to the lease agreement for the rent payment terms and late fees, explain that the security deposit can not be used towards rent.... And the tenant goes MIA and I receive no reply for another two weeks. Is it worth showing up at the condo without warning and starting a scandal now?

Since starting eviction process 2 weeks before move out is ridiculous, I focus on the condo showings.  Shortly after get an email form the tenant describing all sorts of problems in all areas of life she's been through recently and how (surprise!) they will not be able to come up with any  cash for me. But that they do absolutely need to stay in the condo for 1 more night past their lease end date. Tell them to go to hell? Prorate the rent for one more night to be deducted from the security deposit? In my turn, write a detailed email describing all the problems I have been through recently?

Agree to push back move out by 1 day and 1 hour, given the circumstances. The deal is that the tenants will clean out completely the condo prior to move out, and that we have a walk through together so there is a chance to point out at  any damages or missing items, and discuss or dispute them if needed.

Showing up for the walk through, I find the tenant there not quite ready. Fine. I agree with her to be back in 1/2 hour, walk back to the car, open my agenda, get on the phone... Come back in 35 minutes to realize no one opens the door to me. After a few minutes of waiting and knocking on the door louder, I open the door to find the condo empty. The tenants gone. The garage door key missing. The dishwasher not starting. A few items missing. And what's more fun - the condo in such a condition that would require cleaning services and disposal of personal items (I was surprised not to find any dead cockroaches in the fridge, and the small bathroom looked like there was a dog washed in the toilet bowl and then dried up in the dryer).

Still in the condo, leave a voice message to the tenant, follow with an email. Needless to say, I will not hear back neither the same day, nor the next day, not the day after...  I certainly am on the smart side requesting additional security deposit from tenants when I have a gut feeling I might need extra protection as the condo owner, - and it the extra security deposit cash just turned out to be useful... 

But there is something about the people relationship I am not seeing correctly. Or certain type of other people's intentions i do not have gut feeling for.

While driving to prenatal yoga class today, I had a thought

(and the view of mountain from County Line rd when approaching Broadway delivers all sorts of philosophical thoughts :) )  on how I'd describe the way most people are using social networks and media. I'd compare the quality and quantity of their original posts, reposts and pictures - to their  cooking abilities. And the way they express their thoughts and show their emotions - to use of spices when cooking.

It's not just that too many people seem to have the very same way of seeing life, very same goals and priorities  - and even ideas of what they need and how it will change their lives once they get it. The world they use to describe it - are so very same. And - this has never occurred to me before - their feelings and emotions, or at least the words they use to translate their feelings and emotions are often out of place or exaggerated. Any banal object must be magical, amazing or adorable. Any life event or situation, from a weekend hiking trip to a workout session  - awesome, or at least wonderful. Any problem gets blown up 10 times bigger, any joy or success - gets projected as phenomenal. That does leave a thought of emptying a whole jar of cayenne pepper into a pot of soup, instead of putting just a pinch. Or when baking chocolate muffins - doubling the sugar in the recipe, adding caramel and topping the whole thing with double layer of chocolate frosting. Or adding Tabasco to every dish or every meal: whether it's chicken , beef or fish; because without Tabasco "it has little taste".

On the way back from Santa Fe we stopped for lunch and got some broccoli cheddar soup, after tasting which I grumbled to Von Zobel that nowadays it is impossible in F&B industry to mass sell something unless it's too salty, too spicy or too sweet. Just now I thought that this might as well relate to mass selling of self online.

Santa Fe leaves an impression of one extended cozy and clean arts & shopping mall.

At least this is the view from the city center. It would probably be nice to just hang around the city for a day or two, dropping into various stores and then sitting on balconies of street bars at happy hours with live music...  Don't see many more potential activities there for... travelers with no commitments :) But as 3/4 of our gang were non-drinkers this time, and Von Zobel would not allow us all to suffer live music on a balcony of a bar just for his sake, we had to adapt our travel program.

One thing I started admiring Santa Fe and the near suburbs for right from the start is the well preserved and perfectly maintained style of architecture. I don't think I saw just nearly as many adobe buildings and houses in AZ; nor did I have a chance to see such good examples of Spanish colonial architecture yet (or something a little more unusual).

Even though we managed to visit a museum or see a sight during every 1/2 day: either before or after lunch - it still feels like we did not see much. Maybe because we're spoiled by Denver and local museums and botanical garden looked bigger and more existing on the internet when I was making the trip agenda. Or maybe - the reason they were not too big was that we managed to visit at least one point of interest in 1/2 day. :)
El Rancho de las Golondrinas though was a nice exception - we came there for a Civil War event, and despite the heat and large distances we had to cover without stroller (yes, it's great to have sportive husband!) we did not want to leave.

"Dad, cover your ears, aim, fire!"

And of course we all found the mill to be the coolest place at El Rancho! Dr Chill wanted to come back there 3 times:

Another thing that was literally knocking me off my feet in Santa Fe was lilac. It's abundance, the lush bunches of flowers in various colours and smell! I haven't smelled lilac so flavorful since probably my childhood, and  now couldn't walk past it: the smell seemed to have its very own body and texture, soothing and relaxing. Too bad no one came up with a digital smell picture technology yet :)

This whole week past 2 weeks become one long La folle journee.

It does happen periodically that I find it hard to hold a sequence of actions for the next few hours in my head, which is an especially  unneeded challenge during pregnancy. To stick to all the commitments, to be able to attend all showings, make all necessary purchases, be able to stick to study schedule and not to miss prenatal yoga classes - every single to-do item gets written down. Every single one. My agenda now looks like a mindmap for some lunatic's confession novel.

The feeling that life's good emerges when I get home after an insane day, which also seems to be desperately unproductive, partially because of a sudden terrible headache that started in the morning and lasted through the day - and despite all efforts, this time none of my pain relief techniques work. And in such a condition, I'd just put Dr. Chill next to me on the sofa in his new room, give him a few books and get my iPad and open mail inbox, and kiss him at the top of his head, saying sorry for being a complete vegetable today and not being able to do anything active with him today. And we would sit on the sofa side by side for some time,  he - looking at his animal or word book, me - trying to pull my brain together and reply to emails while not moving my head too much. This - the feeling of peace and understanding from a little, very close human being. And that life is good.

Once upon a time in music school, right before our chorus rehersal

a few friends of mine and myself started having a chitchat about starting our own band. The chorus classes were neither very informative nor very useful or particularly enjoyed by any of us, the teacher was late, and since we all were about year 4 in school, we were eager to push our music boundaries :)

The recruit dialog went like this:

- So, are you in? 

-Of course I'm in!

- And you?

-Sure!

- Oh, let's invite her too! Hey, we're thinking about having our own band - wanna join?

- Sure!

- Now, let's see who we have... So, we're... five pianists and a dombra player?! Erm... ok....

Looking at these 4 guys yesterday made me think we might have given up too fast :) 

Of course, carrying 5 electric pianos with us on world tours would've been a challenge, but that would've also made us one of a kind! :)

One of the pregnancy paradoxes

is that you get a huge fruit bowl feeling like you're going to pass out if you don't eat every single piece of fruit RIGHT NOW.

                                         maybe one just like that

20 minutes later and only 1/3 way through the bowl you realize you can't have any more. Physically. The bottom of your stomach is somewhere 3 inches above your solar plexus, last bite of mango wouldn't move down the throat; no fruit physically would fit in.

But you still feel like you're going to pass out if you don't finish every single piece of fruit RIGHT NOW!

**** All characters are ficticious. Any resemblence to eating habbits, beahaviour or feelings of real pregnant women is purely coincidental :)   ***

Other people's wisdom.

I've about 1/2 dozen of books waiting to be read. A dozen more in my library "queue". About a dozen free online courses saved.  I lack a lot of good knowledge and skills now. The more I learn the clearer I understand that I know absolutely nothing.  I do not waste time, I pick sources of other people's wisdom carefully and apply it quickly. All that I read and hear will be put to good use.

However, I would eagerly trade all these pieces of information on different areas for ONE good practical course or proven strategy: on how to quickly and easily pass exams. Ideally - on the first time. For one solid piece of mind hack, serious and straight to the point, that would save me a great deal of time and energy.

But of course, there is no such a magic course, lecture or book available within reach. Maybe no one bothered yet to put together and share skills and knowledge on time efficient exams passing in at least 3 different areas within 6-12 months.
Maybe that's the kind of secret knowledge that leverages competitive advantage so much - its a shame to hand it over to those who didn't earn it through blood sweat and tears.
Maybe no such strategy even exists.

I'm thus putting on my list sharing real working approach and techniques I will have developed - once  I succeed in jump starting with all the licensing, certificates, passing all the necessary exams and not killing my whole life in the process. That's official :)

In the uneasy battle of mind over purchasing tickets

to Infected Mushroom or Apocalyptica (same place, 2 days apart!) - Apocalyptica prevailed! You never know when they'll be here again; and during my first pregnancy I missed Rammstein's concert who then got retired   are not even touring US now. Life just got better :)

***And then Dr. Chill Jr. earned an extra generous scoop of grilled chicken on our salad, and I started to remember how mommy-to-be's belly occasionally draws nice random perks and life got even a little bit better.

Of other little steps up this March:

•  I got at least 1 good remote class option for this Fall; 
• read 4 new books; 
• had 3 date nights with Von Zobel. Helga's restaurant is definitely the discovery of the month, a place so great it made us feel nostalgic like hell about Bavaria and try to remember all the Apfelstrudel we ate in Vienna. 
• Registered as, basically, a volunteer for the practical part of my side projects. Found a handful of good education books. Added up the prices and decided to shuffle them into a wishlist for now. 
• Did a little improvement of our backyard's feng shui by chopping down all dry and dead grass, shrubs and bushes. Now, at the end of the month feel very happy I did that as the backyard looks green, not desert yellow and grey.
• As a side effect of the backyard cleaning, Dr. Chill learned to pick up pieces of debris and take them to the trash bags. On his own initiative, yep.And help vacuum and clean the garage. 
• Did a little improvement of our house's feng shui by getting rid of some old meaningless dust collectors, buying 2 new great blankets and washing the spare guest blankets (could be considered a whole separate project). Now I'm craving a green plant with white flowers in our bedroom :)
• Created a new schedule for the next few months and surprisingly, was able to keep pretty close to it for the first 3 days. 

If I had to set one time management goal to set for April though, - or one mind set to keep, or to ask Universe to align stars for - it would be to focus on only studies, work and family. Pregnancy workouts, as well as walk, learn and play time with Dr. Chill would fall under "family" here. I'd dare to even throw in enough sleep into "family", as it's definitely something the baby wants :) The bottom line though would be - to spend less time on running errands, doing work around the house, deal with any unexpected problems as they come up or any issues that consume amount of time disproportionate to the value of the result. Dear Universe, what do you say? You do your part, I do mine?

Things to do in 2 minutes

Now that I have a few more productive months to use for tying all loose ends and complete all unfinished business, I thought of things I could do in little time slots. When I am in the middle of something important and get a couple of minutes of spare time, or between 2 tasks on my daily schedule and can't start the next one right away, or playing with Dr. Chill and he does not want me to interfere for a few minutes - the feeling of having time and not filling it with anything productive makes me panic. It will probably get even worse once I have 2 kids and my schedule will be broken down to bits and pieces, and I will never get a chance to get to the bottom of my daily to-do list on time :)

So, to begin with, 2 minutes would buy me an opportunity to:

1. Wash sinks and counter top in my bathroom.
2. Squeeze out carrot and apple juice for 4 (not counting time for washing and peeling fruit and veggies: it will probably take another 5 minutes).
3. Vacuum the main entrance area. OR Vacuum the laundry room area. OR vacuum the kitchen area. 
4. Unload the dishwasher (with reasonable amount of dishes and utensils)
5. Load /unload washer. OR Load /unload dryer.
6. Make and serve a snack for a toddler. OR heat up and serve lunch/dinner for a toddler.
7. Make a bottle of milk with probiotic for a toddler. 
8. Fully dress up.
9. Brush my teeth.
10. Wash my face and brush my hair. AND pull the hair into a ponytail or a hair clip if needed (alright, that's how my time in bathroom build up...)
11. Briefly dust each of the bedrooms, the office, the dining, music and living rooms.
12. Review daily agenda, make changes, cross out completed items.
13. Check each email box.
14. Type a brief email from phone or ipad.
15. Stock up diapers for Dr. Chill in his bedroom.
16. Make a cup of coffee AND while the espresso machine is warming up and working - either a sandwich, a bowl of cereal or a bowl of cottage cheese for breakfast. 
17. Pack up full lunch for me (given the main course was put in a container the night before).
18. Wipe all the counter tops in the kitchen.
19. Organize my closet.
20. Pick up and put away toys, books and clothes in Dr. Chill's room.
21. Go over daily mail received (given it's already been picked up from the mail box)
22. Pack up the gym backpack. OR - the work & study backpack.
23. Clean up and organize the laundry room: hang the jackets into the closet, put the shoes on the shoe shelf and wipe those that need it, take away bags, backpacks, toys, mail, parcels, and any other random items that are piling up here. 
24. Fill up 2 glasses with water OR (maybe AND) 1 kettle with water. 
25. Fill up a pitcher with water and while it's filling up - cut and throw in  slices of lemon (1/2 lemon).
26. Set up the oven for 400 degrees and put in the container with mix for cottage cheese.
27. organize 1 pantry shelf.
28. Put away all the toys in the living area into the boxes and baskets in the play area.
29. Clean up each of the bathroom mirrors
30. Wipe the entire laptop with electronics wipes (including cleaning the keyboard).

I have very frequent thoughts on how lucky I am to be a Mother nowadays

"Very frequent" being between every other day and every single day. Yesterday though, while Dr. Chill's single-hand-ball-throwing-practice in the kitchen ended up in the attempt of serving us all a fried ball with veggies for dinner:

Literally!

I realized that in a way he is lucky to be born nowadays too, and see his Mom laugh her pants off while fetching her smartphone, taking picture of the cooking ball, and then proudly going on for the next couple of minutes about how cool and good at aiming he is. No spanking, no yelling for being to noisy, active or generally not fitting into Mom's miserable life. 

What are the chances I could have had even a vaguely similar experience of motherhood... , say, a century ago? Sometime and some place where life would have been all planned out for me from the start and if I were born with ideas of my own regarding my life (and what's worse - same personality I have today) - well, too bad for me! At least every other day I reflect and appreciate no need to change a my whole life and tuck it around my child. Several arrangements around the most important areas of my life work just fine. I also don't have to believe that my Child owes me anything: now, or when he grows up. I can just enjoy motherhood with no strings attached!

I am also extremely grateful for being able to cook different meals for my family every day, if I decide to do so :)  I can create a pretty good diet with not just red meat or poultry, but some enormous choice of fish, veggies and fruit. I feel happy when I see Dr. Chill stuffing his mouth with salmon, green beans, rabbit meat or drinking soup right from his bowl, but frankly - if the only groceries I could lay my hands on were good enough for making sandwiches, or if we had to live on potatoes,  pasta and chicken drums - his idea of eating well would have been quite different. Yep, maybe as a highly prone to allergies child grown up in the post Cold-war era :)  I still beam when I open a small plastic box of fresh raspberries to wash half a dozen for my kid. In January. 

Same thought goes to being equipped with a washer, dryer, dishwasher, vacuum cleaner and other little benefits that the past 150 years rolled on us. Real life-saviors for simplification maniacs(not pointing a finger here), who use dishwasher to wash all plastics baby items, toys, organizer containers that have been standing on parents' bath counter for too long; and who use the washing  machine for... pretty much everything else. If your toddler loves loading and unloading the washer and dishwasher, and also pushing the buttons  - it helps. 

Personal space. I'm lucky,  I'm extremely lucky to live in a house that provides a lot of clean, free, safe personal space for my son. As well as for my husband and I  - after child's bed time. The mere thought of trying to fit in 4 people in 1000 sq. ft. apartment  makes me dizzy; although this is not even the worst-case scenario, I know. When traveling, one of the priorities for us is to have a hotel room with a separate common area and a door to the bedroom.

I am not even mentioning all baby gadgets, diapers, toys, learning apps - this deserves a separate full size posting to refer to later :) 

Pregnancy, baby delivery, postpartum recovery. I suspect if it wasn't for epidural during my first delivery, I would have very likely ended up with a c-section. Comparing the level and amount of prenatal medical attention I got the first time with that provided in other parts of the world is not something I would make a point of here; I just felt greatly at ease to have the opportunity to receive intensive medical care - should I have needed it. And I felt lucky enough to never have needed that intensive medical care. 

What I was able to do - and did - for myself during pregnancy requires another separate post :) Again, something tells me access to sports, body cosmetics, prenatal massage, vitamins - are quite a recent privilege :)

Just as the whole experience of having and raising a child without the feeling of being in the surviving-of-the-fittest race followed by the feeling that misery and suffering is what all real women ought to go through is. Which is something I sincerely congratulate myself with for the past 18 months now.

Still under the impression after the weekend-y call to parents,

I chopped down almost the entire backyard. Everything that's dry was cut down to about an inch, everything that had spread like a weed got a nice creative cut down to almost bare trunks, and if only I could start the chainsaw - our backyard would have soon looked like a desert with two greenhouses and a sandbox in the middle. 

The rest of the weekend went by in a much more peaceful way though. Our Saturday date night with Von Zobel (God bless smart younger sisters!) proved that I can still somehow fit in a nice combo plate of Mediterranean food AND top it with a desert worth 2 full pieces of baklava (also - to be too lazy to fish out all pieces of bell pepper from my salad and freak out over some mild stomach seizures in the middle of the night :) ).

 

Benefited from the free entrance day in Botanic Garden, moving around with a bunch of friends (ours and Dr. Chill's :)). We gotten the taste of getting professional pictures taken in beautiful places and have been taking Sis and her camera around for 2 weeks now (God bless smart and creative young sisters!). Dr. Chill is absolutely  great at modeling, and getting around crowded public places with him while Dr. Chill Jr is kicking inside makes me feel that being a Mom of 2 very active toddlers will not be too bad as long as those two do move in the same direction and with the same speed. If they do have opposite opinions on where they should run simultaneously... I'll probably consider volunteering for live human cloning with one of the British science universities...

Speaking about getting cloned: in order to get the Audit class credit ASAP, I can take the class in University A in Maymester or in Summer, which are both in-person classes. Or I can wait until Fall and take a class online in University B. I'd personally prefer going through University A's schedule and getting it over with, and I already got their approval to take the class; but: the Maymester end date is 5 days before my due date. The Summer start date is 1 day before my due date. University B's approval process is still up in the air, and the commitment would be for the whole Fall semester, but the online class looks like a more realistic option now... Hm, brain, what do we chose? 

Oh, and I really need to start memorizing and accessing the memory more efficiently!

And how do I start with sharing my own experience and developing my own material?

And remember how to group accounts in Engagement correctly?

Come on, brain, don't shut down on me! :)

Oh, and now I know that a super cool email from a prenatal yoga center on Sunday night should read:

"We're cancelling tomorrow's class: your instructor gave birth today!" :)

Life with 2 backpacks and a lunchbox.

I leave home every morning with 2 backpacks: red,  with my laptop, agenda and all the lehrstoff bundled together, and green - with a change of clothes and shoes (to change into after elliptical workout, yoga or swimming), completely stuffed shower bag (I don't understand how all these things fit in, and I swear I use them all!),  swim suit (for Wednesdays) and a shabby and scratched all the way red MP3 player (I suspect the manufacturer's information provided on it was a shameless lie:  it WAS actually made in Switzerland, and now this  9 year old, AAA battery powered freaking dinosaur will outlive me and my grandchildren).

There is also a lunch bag with an 8 hour supply of food that goes into the car, a bottle of water with lemon and a thermo mug with rooibos. If the day has started right, I should have already has some breakfast and my 1 legal cup of coffee. So far I've been very good about it.

It took me less than a week to change the settings on how I need to run my day, so that now I still get the necessary work/study time. A few little changes I notice now are:

1. I spend less time running the errands, doing grocery shopping or ordering items for home.
2. I write down every single minor to-do thing in my agenda, even reminders and day menus, and sometimes - short grocery shopping list.
3. This helps me to keep my mind clear at all times, and focus on reading, doing analysis, research, writing, being on the phone. 
4. And help develop new ideas and thoughts, Which, again, I then need to write down in my agenda - not to spend any of my RAM on it. I do like the way this cycle works.
5. I sleep less, but function well so far.
6. I start getting the sense of pressure and emergency thinking that I only have a few more productive months ahead of me. And then daily routine will need to be reg-established to stay on top of things. Again.
7. A friend of mine shared her experience with getting a professional license was to study 12-14 hours a day non-stop, not leaving her study area. Another connaissance said she could complete all studies and obtain the actual license all during her pregnancy. I know my situation is unlike anybody else's, but it's still very tempting to speed up and double the efforts... Why on Earth not try...
8. The German language does calm down my mind and spirit. I've long joked that Rammstein is my best meditation and fall-asleep music; now I realize that jokes aside, - there is something reasonable to it.
9. Changed my library location for ordering and picking up books. 

Days got longer, warmer and sunnier. Not my accomplishment by any means, but helps staying active and after a long hard winter feels just like having the weather and nature back on my side :) 

Watching and giggling

Finally could start to watch the 3rd season of the House of Cards (American version) - very entertaining. Kudos to the movie crew for bringing in the real Pussy Riot, I was surprised to find out it was actually them! Not sure the girls were invited to star in any similar projects in Russia after they were released.  Kudos to Lars Mikkelsen for picking up Russian and putting on some Russian accent for his role, I assume that couldn't have been easy :).
My only two questions on the dinner at the White House scene were:

1. Why would the Pussy Riot bother to make a provocative toast in the language very few of the present would understand? Why not speak out in English - if you really want to shame off your president in front of everyone?

2.  Even with all the Cold-war era and post-Cold-war era stereotypical behaviour the Russian president demonstrated - teaching the American president how to drink vodka, how to chase it with pickles, singing Russian folk songs and hitting on the first lady - is still too  shallow and superficial. Why wouldn't he bring in his pet bear? :) Or show his hosts and other guests at the dinner how to have a shot of vodka AND eat the shot glass after that? :) Or pull everyone into a paint ball shooting or fishing contest right after the dinner? :)  There seems to be no growth  in the outrageousness and insanity of the Russians - as perceived by the West - within the past couple of decades... very disappointing :)

Meanwhile... (couldn't resist)

                                                     (taken from http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-31901078)

Less is more.

Over and over again, my personal experience proves that the less useless stuff, time consuming and non rewarding activities and negative people I have in life - the more of all the opposite actually fits in :).

I am ready to believe that any type of clean up in just one area of life alters the energy flow on a very major scale, and creates a domino effect on attracting new things, people, knowledge and situations in other areas. It is especially interesting to watch new people enter your life and new situations being created out of thin air. 

On a scientific level - I can rationalize having only that much space to fill in, and then filling it up with something necessary and fit for my life. Once something does not fit my life anymore - space needs to be created before new opportunities, habits and events can take their place. What I find fascinating though is how much more value those new things bring - if we don't just look at the space, time or energy they consume (and it is obvious it costs us all time, energy or space to own anything) ), but also at what we get back - emotionally, financially, for the sake of health. 

Less is more. It is the simplest formula of instant life re-organization and improvement I've discovered over the years. So simple in fact, I smile wide every time I see it has just worked again without me even realizing it. 

I had a feeling there would be something crazy about this week

when I found myself dancing at Bistro Al Vino around midnight on Saturday, shocking the clubbers around with the mere looks of my 3-rd trimester belly (at least I think this time it was the looks of belly at the dancefloor that widened the eyes of those around).

In the next 4 days I managed to cover the Litigation section of REG (to those who find themselves having an urge to do the same - don't even attempt!); survive the last week of Dr. Chill's daycare; take a Friday exam and while running errands all day after that - to get a huge screw in my rear tyre and to actually discover I have one - by the hissing sound I heard while unloading my truck. Some things just need to happen 1.5 hours before you need to pick up your kid from the daycare, and on the day when you need to also get ALL his things out of there, so you DO need the car! Thank God, miracles do still happen to me :) and the car shop across the road from the daycare fixed the hole in less than an hour!

Next day I assembled Dr. Chill's new furniture in his new room. Never again! - the skin on the palms is rubbed and hurts like crazy. I was lucky to get help from Dr. Chill though - he does an amazing job putting the screws in the proper wholes, bringing and holding parts and pieces. And once he got a hold of the screwdriver - he immediately personalized his table by punching a dozen of holes in his brand new table top, before I could reach out and take away the screwdriver. What a sweet cutie, aaaargh...

Sunday, after brunch with friends - the annual pregnancy and baby-wear swap took place. Now there are a few minor things to get, and I'm ready for enhancement of my motherhood experience :)

Little project of the week  - Dr. Chill allowed to brush his teeth every single day of this week. Another little victory, given his gums are full of bumps, and the teeth are not showing yet!..

On a larger - scale - in the month of February -  the trip to the 2nd new place to visit this year has been booked.  The date of the month has been arranged, but not taken care of, for health reasons. Still counts though :) 

5 new books read in February. Plans for the on-going education modified slightly. Plans for the education for the side-project - are moving forward. 

I wonder now, how do you take an international trip with a 4-5 month old baby and a 2 year old toddler? Say, to even Canada? And how do you find time to study for 3 different areas all at once? And what comes first in my side project - education or experience? :)

Snowing again. Heavy snowfalls forecasted.

The week started with cleaning up the driveway. Very fun, especially when you have an 18 month old toddler hanging around; thank God mine is as smart and patient as it gets - I was able to clean up the whole driveway. Nevertheless, to all 6 month pregnant girls out there - do not attempt!

Happy to have finished The Black Monk by Akunin.  It was getting a bit boring towards the end, although the final scene of the murderer escaping with a load of uranium, making plans about using the money on scientific breakthroughs, restoring himself as a scientist and finding new source of energy - not knowing he had already been lethally poisoned with radiation - got stuck in my mind for some time.

Next fiction in line - Pelevin. Smart, unpredictable and incredibly delicious! Read the first several chapters of The Sacred Book of the Werewolf - and after Akunin's attempts to depict woman's psyche, - it gives a special pleasure.

Caught myself ironing a shirt for a 18 month old guy :) Who would have thought!

Actually, cleaning up the whole house with Dr. Chill around is still doable. He can wipe furniture with dust cloth, even helped me wash the baseboards in the kitchen this week, put things back to their places, help me with the laundry - put dirty clothes in the washer or take clean dry clothes out of the dryer, and then sit on the clean dry laundry in the laundry basket  - he just loves that! And vacuuming! He's been checking on the vacuum cleaner 2-3 times a day for the past 3 weeks,- must be going through his vacuum cleaner phase, - so whenever I vacuum, he will shadow me holding on to the vacuum cleaner.

As for the Dr. Chill Jr, it feel like he is a pretty active guy too. Probably a bit more good natured than the older brother :) but just as active. Great - I can have them both exhaust each other! if I survive the next year with them I mean

There is something exiting and aspiring in thinking the 2nd pregnancy will only last for 3 more months. That all this constant self-discipline, hard work and inconvenience is only for the lesser part of the pregnancy. And then - life will get easier in terms of getting my body - and what's even more important, my brain - back in full use. Time flies with the second pregnancy so fast I'm only glad I manage to  jot down a few notes into my little pregnancy diary every now and then, otherwise I'ld only realized the whole speed of it once I was in hospital.

The improvements from my 1st pregnancy - my abdominal muscles still flex (I completely lost control over them end of 1st trimester of the 1st pregnancy); I am more flexible (was more swollen at this time of my 1st pregnancy a couple of years ago).

Downsides of this pregnancy - lungs (had to stop running half way into 1st trimester this time, and can already feel they are not functioning at their best); and back (my prenatal masseusse claims the right side of my back along the spine feels quite bad. Probably because when I have to carry Dr. Chill for 10-15 minutes straight, I do so with my left arm only while I am doing whatever I need to do with my right hand. :)  )

Another important upside is that I am still able to do 1/2hr of elliptical with my tummy!