Another habit that needs to be eliminated:

Thinking too much into things.

Was hesitating to check something out online. Wasn't even sure what I will see or read, but had a feeling that might throw me off balance for a short while. Eventually, I decided that whatever I see - I can always use as my own motivation, rather than getting emotional.

In reality, what I saw (and read) made my day; showed me I've been on the right track all along and must be doing much better than I expected. Now all these "what ifs" look ridiculous.  I am just happy this reminder to stay reasonable and focused went off in an insignificant situation. There may be bigger opportunities coming up...

Before Monday even comes, my to-do list for the week stretches Monday through Friday.

And every line of every date's space is filled; does not matter if I break down appointments and tasks by timeframes, or group them into blocks. Usually both :)

Today, closer to afternoon, a feeling of helplessness stoke me again. My agenda's been filled with stuff to do for weeks now, and for every item I cross off, two new are to be added to the list. And what's worse - none of the items that I do not consider routine did not yield any significant results or life improvements in the past few months! Keep reminding myself that many important things just take time to happen. But then I glance at the achievers that I used to look up to - and it seems that they all are shaping their lives exactly the way they want them to be and not breaking a sweat, while I'm pretty much  running around in circles. It's mid-March and none of my 20 goals for the year is close to completion. Even the reading goal is at 7% - what a joke...

And then having thought all this over, I suddenly got another strong feeling arising: "Enough!".
I could live this life for months, and nothing would change, but...
Enough!

In the next several hours I cleaned up the whole house and did the laundry, ordered the course free trial, put old stuff for sale on Craigslist, sent the Baby Shower invites and started planning the menu and decor, after some totally fruitless research on Glion's website - emailed the university and requested transcripts, cancelled the old credit cards with the clothes stores, cooked dinner and went through the pile of mail pinned to the kitchen bulletin board, and worked out some other unfinished business.
Felt stronger.
With some order around and within, it's time to think over a strategy to better leverage all the time, knowledge and energy I have. The way things used to work do not seem to fit my life goals anymore  :)

Finally. It's spring.

 It's about time this long uncomfortable winter was over.

What's good about being 6 months postpartum - is starting to feel human again. Change of the seasons might have something to do with that too, but I prefer to blame the hormones for the veil of dumbness over my brain for the past half a year, as well as for the behaviour and thinking pattern that were not quite... typical of me :)

I like the motherhood experience. I like the actual idea of motherhood: it shows you your strengths and weaknesses without sugar coating, makes you set your priorities straight, poses a lot of new questions and challenges, but may also help work out some of the old ones. Not to mention a booster in time management and patience ( yes, the latter is especially fun when being hormonal :) ).
Motherhood does not allow you to give in in certain moments of your life - there are pros and cons to that.

Now that I feel like I'm being more objective, reasonable and adequate  :)  I would say that the experience of being pregnant, having a baby and bringing him up for the first 6 months did make me stronger, smarter and wiser. I know it won't really get easier   unless I actually get a full time family in town  but I do already see it work as an upgrade for myself in many ways.