On the account of year 2014:

 At times it was hard, stressful and nerve-wrecking, but yet to the most part - interesting, successful and enjoyable. I am endlessly grateful for:

- my family's and my health,

- for the great work and study opportunities that presented and those that I grabbed after careful consideration (if only it was possible to be cloned and try more! :) ),

- for trips to Utah, Slovenia, Italy and California we took as a family of 3. For a crazy trip to Vegas that we took together just like in the good old times;

- for my wise, kind and amazing husband who tolerated me all these times when I did something insane again, opened my big mouth when I should not have, and never suggested to get divorced when I talked about plans for our future,

- for most wonderful Dr. Chill, who is incredibly bright, handsome, wit and has been our home's Sunshine for a year and 4 months now. He's a whole Universe and a miracle of his own; I could just watch him doing something new, hear him sing or say "mamamamammaaa" or "papapapaaaa" for minutes. At the same time, when I'm with him,  I always hear a countdown in my head - he's getting older, and this is irreversible, so hurry to by his mommy NOW.

- my family who helped and supported me, with Dr. Chill and in trips. A part of the family was around most of the year and had to bear with me more, a part of the family could now cross the Atlantics to see their grandson, and a part of the family simply kept their health stable this year - and I do appreciate all of it;

- all those few dozens of books I've read, and all the movies I've seen, all the museums and exhibitions I've been to. The more I discover about this world the more I realize how tiny, insignificant and immaterial I am :) And that is one of the things that pushes me forward.
And yes, I did enjoy re-discovering books by Strugatskie this year, as well as The Outliers - the latter confirmed I have been moving in the right direction all along.

Not every line item out of 20 of my 2014 Real Plans was fulfilled, but most important - were completed. I've also decided to never state a goal in a form that would include a 3rd party in an active voice. That is, to set a goal about something that is out of my control( even looking at friends or family). My list of goals for 2015 thus looks more... achievable though not easier.
16 new items - completely new and not overlapping with 2014 list, except, perhaps, new books to be read :)

And when I look at it I have a dual feeling of, from one hand, headbanging upon the wall - because I have no idea how to fill in all of this stuff into 365 days and keeping my sanity and health, and realizing I do not have enough resources for all of it,  or - that it has to either be a 2nd child or trips outside of town.
But from the other hand - I feel  that all these 16 goals, if achieved, will create the right pivoting point in my life, especially since it seems that my old life is cracking and falling apart, starting on the material level and now spreading on to people. And if I know myself well enough...

Hosting The Grand Family Reunion -

- starts with cooking insanity. It's good NOT to be the only kid in your family when expecting your family to join for dinner...

And to have an awesome son of your own who can stand on a chair beside you, take out peeled vegetables out of bowl and put them on your cutting board. Does save a lot of effort :)

And a Sis who, apart from helping with cooking, also helps with cleaning and brings upstairs part by part, a Queen-size bed.

And I do have a new work space in the house, with a bit more natural light and (it is important) behind closed doors. Bunch of drawers in my desk finally provide some space for proper arranging study books, pens and highlighters, language study books and CDs; so I do have a place to keep my hand lotion and my agenda close at hand too :) 

Note to self: buy a Yellow agenda for year 2016!

A major thing that hasn't been completed yet is the roof work. While the weather is obviously not cooperating, the fact that the roof team shows up on Monday morning, right after the snowfall, on Tuesday morning the actual roof materials get delivered and placed on the rooftop, and on Wednesday the solar panels team pays up a visit not being exactly sure why they were called in by their manager and leave without take off any of the solar panels - make my eyebrows jump up beyond my will. An exciting quest of placing 4 adults somewhere  for a whole day is coming.

Meanwhile my own belongings keep breaking, tearing and disappearing, and above all - fully used up, and this is becoming more and more intriguing.

And in addition to the last post,

during the weekend I discovered my wallet tore in half, I ran out of two cosmetic products and while packing up laptop, note pad and books into a larger bag (as I was planning to spend the coming Monday in the Library) - the bag's handle tore as well. The Universe continues to vigorously clean up space for improvements in my life :)

Apart from this though, I spend a couple of hours at the playground, finished all remaining Simulations and started going over the homework again, finished 3rd Unit of my drawing course(my human face even looks somewhat like a human face), cooked, played the piano (both in duet with Dr. Chill and solo :) ), finished the Outliers (and had a revolutionary thought upon finishing the last chapter, and recommended it to Von Zobel so passionately he did copy it to his mp-3 for swimming), bought some clothing for the upcoming vacation (an impulsive purchase, but I'm almost sure my summer dresses, tops and shorts are already conspiring an act of... perishing, given what's happening to my things lately), started 2 new books, completed a bunch of the-usual-weekend-tasks-not-worth-mentioning, and topped off Sunday with a second seafood dinner this week (this time not corporate though :) ). 

Now I'm listening to the December rain outside, with a thick book open, nail polish chipped from opening the mussels and the actual mussels creating a happy warmth in my tummy :) and feel content, happy about where I am, and ready for another 7 days of running up the ice hill. 

The shell is cracking.

In the past couple of weeks I've been keeping losing objects - in one way or another - that I would use a lot. My old clothes gets completely ruined all out of sudden, I run out of cosmetics and makeup - several products in the same short period of time, things stretch, fade, break - so they become unusable and can only be thrown away.

I guess part of it can be explained by the fact that I am an anti-hoarder and at all times I  keep only the necessary set of good quality things that I know I'll use regularly, and only get new items when replacement is needed. That can explain running out of a set of eyeshadow, a lipstick, a bottle of perfume and a body lotion simultaneously :) But it does not explain running out of ink in 3 pens in a row within about 10 days. Or - my weekly agenda has a couple of pages left because, obviously, it's second half of December. But nothing explains why, for instance, half of my clothes become unwearable  :)

There's no scientific reason for it, but it's almost as if getting on a new pattern of thinking, feeling and self-realization changes my daily surroundings, at least those that I touch a lot. Or that now that my own energy flow changed, it started to re-shape the material world outside. To start with cracking the old shell and eventually breaking it.
It is the first time this is happening - at least in such an obvious way,  but I'd like to think I'm right at figuring out the reason.

I found myself sitting at the Parents Night,

surprised not so much with the act that I found time to attend, but the fact that I am actually here.

That it is time.

That for all these years Parents' Night was something to attend for my own mother (not that she would show up much since I was ten), parents of my classmates and  friends, and now my friends and their own children, and colleagues and their children... and now they came for me

I am ready to do this for the next 20 years; or a little longer if everything goes as planned :) I do like the idea that for the next couple of decades I will be doing certain things that will not bring immediate reward or will be appreciated neither by the immediate beneficiary nor by my family on the whole, but yet I will know that they will yield lots of benefits in the long run, will make my role in my family most efficient and my time I spend with them most productive. I know the right things to be done, and I will follow through. And being selfish as I am - can't help thinking that it will be a great training on becoming a smarter, wiser, quicker, stronger person.

Speaking of children - in plural - I keep hearing occasional voices of the world outside my head, saying that having children - in plural - with a small difference in age is a tough enterprise. That it  is a difficult, exhausting and overall yacky experience that would slow you down and mess up your life. That as a woman you have to realize you can't have it all and need to get your priorities straight: is what you want more a family or career? Serving other people around you or achieving your own goals? Making sure your children are enrolled in sports and take dancing classes or being able to afford to travel altogether with your family?  Having your left arm or right arm?  I giggle when I hear all these voices outside-my-head - what in the world can they know! -  but I almost feel sorry for those women they get to.

And as earlier today, at lunch, I was sitting at the same table with quite a few interesting people I felt very lucky for having crossed my path with those who can inspire and prove with their own experience that there are plenty of options in life - just stretch your arm out. It is possible to have a large family and be a professional and  one of the leaders in your area. It is possible to go through the trouble of getting all the necessary education and help provide all necessary education to your children later in life. It is possible to get to the level where you can be friends with your top clients and continue living a busy social life. It is possible to go to the mountains for skiing and raizor rides at the age of seventy, and take trips around the world or bike to Alaska at the age of seventy. And feel good in your skin, and be happy.

Just aim at it.

Two little conclusions of this week

1. When you're planning to paint on glass it's best to to buy special paint for working on glass :) Otherwise the paint smears and looks diluted and uneven.

2. When you're buying a pot to be painted, for another plant - get into the habit of buying the saucer at the same time already!

While pulling the trash bin from the driveway into the garage

Noticed a little envelope taped to the lid, with  Happy Holidays! written on it.
And a small Season's greeting card inside.
With a poem and wishes of Happy Holidays.
From our trash collector guy.
Wow.

*****

Putting together reciprocal Greetings, for next week :)
But still - wow!

Actually, I feel quite content with myself by the results of the past week.

Apart from cooking :) I managed to complete all important tasks planned for the past week, rolling forward only a few minor things that can be completed this week and keeping on with my studies.

The second important thing is that I managed to make it to gym every workday.

Now, let's do the same for this week! My agenda's already filled for first 1/2 of the week, to-do list goes through every single line...

It turns out that in two days of the weekend Von Zobel & I

can actually cook a pile of food. Looking at it now asking ourselves what had gotten into us...

Oh.... evil, cynical, despicable "West"...

First they imposed sanctions against Russia. Now they pushed down oil prices to bring chaos to Russian economy. Every step they take - is a conspiracy and a threat. Everyone not willing to bow before the hat on the pole unconditionally run geopolitics in Russia's favor - is an enemy.

"Russians are believed to have taken more than $100bn (£64bn; €81bn) out of the country this year and Mr Putin promised an amnesty for anyone choosing to bring their money back.

He said that they would face no questions over how they had earned it."

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-30322198

"We have a huge internal market and resources... capable, intelligent people," he said. "Our people have demonstrated national strength, patriotism - and the difficulties we are facing create new opportunities".

Condemning the "pure cynicism" of the West, he suggested that even if Crimea had not been annexed, the West would have come up with a different pretext to impose sanctions to contain Russia's resurgence."

Not to question the abovementioned intelligence of people in question, but... how come they still buy all this?! I also believe any random American middle or upper class citizen, educated, polite and self-sufficient, - would be incredibly surprised to discover that sometime in between discussing Obamacare and Immigration reform they are also supposed to be plotting sabotage for Russia.

A good way to lose 40 minutes

is to "just stop by Hobby Lobby for a second to get a flower pot".

And in 10 minutes find yourself standing in  Scrapbooking section and 1/2 of the store is on sale.

In another 30 minutes I realized apart from the flower pot I was also holding some clear files for scrapbooking pages and a notepad for sketches. A crazy girl in a crazy world... From teh other hand, this is somewhat an improvement from about 5 years ago when I walked out with 10kg of pottery clay...

But now I start thinking of my Granny's rough amber necklace that could use a leather string, and maybe a few other deco pieces.
And I'm running out of some colours of my acrylic paint supply. And those pastel crayons looked great.
And then there was that acoustic guitar on sale in Costco...
Does this condition have a cure, I wonder?