I hardly ever have repeating dreams.

If I ever had, I can't remember them now.
Now, twice this week with slight variations, I've seen myself coming to an interview in some 20+ floor office building; second time - a hotel, but still being somewhere on 20+ floor. The interview goes as normal, but for some reason I bring in my teal laptop bag full of my lehrstoff, the bag is heavy as usual, but I keep carrying it on my shoulder as the interviewer shows me around after the interview. And once we say goodbye and I walk outside I find myself walking on a glass floor, above the offices, next to the building's wall but with no wall outside.
I walk till I see there is no exit on this side, neither a way to get back inside the building and turn around to go back.
But by this time the width of glass ledge is only about a third of what it used to be.
I keep walking, and this time there is no way to get back into the building at all, as the ledge is getting more and more narrow as I walk until finally my laptop bag starts to gets hit by the wind gusts and pull me down and make me start losing my balance.
In the second dream though, a woman, another interviewee appears behind a window to ask how my interview was and say good bye. I can't help thinking what a moron she is - seeing that I can neither move on the thin ledge anymore - in my high heals and a heavy bag, but not offering any help. So I smile and ask her ironically:
- Could I please trouble you with opening this window?
She shrugs, face is blank. Clearly, she can't understand why I would ask her that.
- If that's so crucial for you...
"Of course it's crucial for me!" - I think, annoyed. Try not to fall down while she opens the window out - right above my head, barely manage to lift up my heavy laptop bag and start to climb in.

Little Steps to just moderate progress

When after having cried and screamed "Mama no!!" for 10 minutes in the pool, your three year old finally masters jumping into your arms from the side of the pool, and smiles, and glances proudly at the baby girls nearby.

When after 2 days of having mental meltdowns and being enormously tired you see that Audit problems finally start to make sense and the scores begin to go up.

When having just recovered off to the whole family cold Marathon you can run your daily 5k again, even with that uneasiness in lungs.

 

When your 15 month old's bottom left molar finally shows and he can sleep through the night without painkillers, and even go through the day without teething tablets, crying in pain and trying to lay his head on your shoulder and whine every time you pick him up.

 

When instead of running away after 3 minutes of listening to you reading a book before bed, your 3 year old reaches out to his shelf, grabs "Buratino" and asks you to read him. And then listens for half a dozen pages.

 

Many little steps. Just keep on taking many little steps until things get better.

 

Found on smb's FB account. Note sure about credits :)

This beautiful sunny morning my native country

has given me  yet another wonderful gift: a six-meter high fence. Simply speaking, Russian PM and ex-president has blocked me on Twitter.
My best guess is that was somehow supposed to teach me a lesson in how to ask a politician uncomfortable questions in public place (social media). Yep.
My best guess #2 is that many people who know me personally would love to be able to mute me in critical moments simply by pushing a button.

Amoung that dozen of books I got on Library book sale for just only $20 (mainly for Chill Sr)

I bought a small hardcover edition of Orwell's Animal Farm and finally got to read it. Sad, predictable, very sad and very predictable. I wonder why we have never hear of it in our Literature classes in school, let alone it being part of the school program. The 90-ies were the perfect time for studying works of this kind in school - things would have probably been different now, had our generation been raised able to be self-conscious, reasonable, critically thinking and analytical.

By the way, I still love book sales and am so happy to see book sales as part of US's culture and events! This time I tripped over Bulgakov, books of beginner's Japanese and Latin (seriously?! When would I have time for all this?), bunch of country travel guides... had to restrain myself and take none of that, of course :)  I still sometimes joke of having had a "hungry childhood" when being pointed at my excessive love for fresh fruit and veggies or some peculiar gastronomic preferences... but I definitely always had books in abundance as a kid - more in our home library than I ever read, - yet here I am :)

HIghlights of August.

Studied for Audit like there's no tomorrow. Came to the exam to discover the system logged me out and would not allow override from any of the Prometrics staff. No, my login was not hijacked by a CPA-test-taking genius who decided to pass the test for me :) Lost some of the planned-for time + concentration waiting though...

While donating blood got into a conversation with a Bonfils staff member over politics, volunteering and education. Specifically, he turned out to enjoy watching videos of Putin finding him interesting and funny. Later, with a typical American self-awareness, embarrassment and apple-pie-ishness he complained how the world history in American schools is still biased towards American participation in key world events and wars. I had to reveal the level of knowledge (or ignorance) the majority of Russians of well post-school-age still have about the USSR's involvement into WW2, the allies' involvement and the amount of help offered to USSR during WW2 - even Von Zobel's grandma's name and story came up, and the fact Russia still has a whole separate WW2 dates, history and even a V-Day.

Chinchilla Sr started daycare, 3 days a week . It goes unexpectedly well so far: girls in his class come to him in the morning to ask: "What's your name?", "How old are you?" or "Do you like my dress?", the teachers are learning Russian, Chill is giggling at the teachers suddenly switching over to Russian for him (as in "Net!", "Nel'zya" & "Ne trogai!" - being the first things they learned),  Chill seems to have taken monopoly over the communal watering can and enjoys watering their little garden, and when I come to pick him up - he beams, runs to get his lunchbox and the bottle from the classroom, packs himself in his car seat, grumps "Gde min'-min'?!" ("Где ремень?!" - where's the seat belt?) as he's looking for the seat belt and fastens himself, demands "Mom, give me juice!" and as soon as he gets a pack of organic juice - he's all ready for the trip home. He has started to twit more on the way home about things he did that day.

He also had his 3rd Birthday celebration; two actually - the latter smaller one was for family only. This year he did enjoy running around and doing activities with other kids at the kids center, blowing out the candles on the cake (so much he accidentally did it a couple of times for the co-Birthday boy we shared the party with) and playing with the balloons. Chinchilla Jr. surprised everybody at the party by dancing with a balloon in each hand - as if it was his Birthday :)

Another unexpectedly good thing was that I did not lose shape much after Europe, and went back into my morning 5K routine pretty quickly. Thinking about increasing this number to 10: gradually, very gradually...

In the end of this month I crossed out the old goals for this year and wrote down just 5 ones, but more precise  and much, much more crazier ones.

The truth about transatlantic travelling with 2 toddlers is that

at some point you can find yourself carrying a suitcase and a bad and fighting with a (nearly) 3 year old who wants to pull a carryon suitcase his weight and almost his size. Or - carrying 3 bags and having an exhausted 1 y.o. passing out in your arms, so you have to carry him as well because the airline insisted on checking in the stroller at the same time as the rest of the baggage and not by the gate.

The flight to Reykjavik thus did not go too well: chinchillas were exhausted, angry, throwing tentrums in the plane and completely unable to sleep and unwilling to play. The flight in Reykjavik was delayed and we got some extra time to enjoy overcrowded space with overfilled trash bins from which chinchillas constantly tried to pull something out and either put in their mouths or pretend to do so to see parents' reaction(always negative).

Coming back to my town-base is always great: I get transportation flexibility and (relative) freedom of movement within the town, the variety of food that works for us and ability to get it any time, and this year I absolutely appreciate my kids sleeping in a house where an A/C can go on on a hot night, and going back to my gym again! Yep, the little joys of  middle class :)
The weather is still very nice, the tomatoes are ripening and the outdoor pool is still open to kids' fun and enjoyment!

Slovenia of this year is hot, beautiful and delicious

Although energy and time consuming at times too - this being vacations with 2 toddlers and 2 parents. The Bled lake is beautiful and absolutely unchanged in the past 2 years; Chinchilla Sr went into his bell-loving phase, identifying every church on our way as "Kolokol! Bom-bom!". Chinchilla Jr is running around fearlessly (all the fear having being transferred to his mother who is trying to catch him by the collar before he dives into the lake), falling down and trying to snack on something dirty - the dirtier the yummier! Both kiddos are happy with the routine of walks, swimming pool, playgrounds and good food. Besides, the need taught them how to share the Bob stroller and a waffle ice-cream cone. And I realized how un-used I got to playgrounds with pieces of broken glass, cigarette butts and shiny candy bar and ice-cream wraps. And yes, apparently no one considers bringing toys to playground either :)

The Lake Bled holidays reminded me of typical European fests with... a bunch of everything and a crowd of people on top of that :)  Found a new great restaurant near the lake. Managed to use local buses to get back to the village from the lake: if you're alone with 2 little kids, either a bright smile to the driver or looking worn out by two kids will qualify you for driver's full help with loading and unloading the stroller.

Got some weird unidentifiable stomach virus, which led me to involvement with Slovenian healthcare system, having my passport taken from the ER room by mistake (!) by some US boy (!!) that the ER personnel had no contact info with (!!!). Got  the best medical advice form the doctor on duty: "Enjoy life and be happy!". I wonder if it bears a connection with my physician conclusion that I do not rest enough and should absolutely start sleeping more?..

All in all - a very interesting experience - spending over a month abroad, and that's over 10% of the year. Where will it go from here?

Streets of Ljubljana.

Graz was on our travel list for quite some time,

So we were glad we could finally make it there.

Having spent a day in Graz (+ all the driving time to Austria and back) we did not make it to absolutely all sights and museums we wanted to visit, however managed to fit it quite a bit: climbed up all the way to Schlossberg, wandered along the shady alleys tried to find US & Canada on the plastic shields on the top of the castle pointing to various cities, but could not and concluded the directions were depicted in the 13th century before Americas were discovered.
Took pictures of the Clock (Glock) tower from different angles from the top, walked downhill and took pictures from different angles from the bottom of the hill. Then caught a group of pleasant German-speaking ladies and asked them to take some more pictures of the Clock-tower with all four of us.
Scared a café waiter (as well as the rest of our group) by my German. Scared myself with the thought that although the waiter did ultimately understand me, I had just uttered an Americanism in German, for "Wir sind fertig fur die Rechnung" say the Germans not.
Cooled down in Mausoleum and climbed up vintage stairs to yet another Tower with bells. I could not help taking pictures of BOMMM! for Chinchilla Sr, he's going through his bell phase.
Dropped by a pharmacy, left with a bag of sleep, cold and immune support remedies.

 

 

Dropped by Hoffbackerei  Edegger-Tax, left two strudels.

Rushed to the Glockenspiel to see the figures dance. Left thinking each one of us could do better dancing after such a huge stein of beer.

Found on the map Toys R Us (!!!) just 7 minutes away from the Graz center, rushed there, came back within an hour with half a dozen of toys, sidewalk chalk, toddler bottle and a teether. I was greatly impressed by their inventory, and not as impressed by their prices...

Had time left to have another 0.5 l beer.

On the whole Graz gives an impression of  a typical town that used to be pretty well-off to have its center done in beautiful architectural style, and with quality good enough to last hundreds of years. While the parts remote from the center might not be that interesting, the proximity to the center does reveal the contrast of the streets and squares being more spacious, and the houses - more interesting in ornaments and brighter in colours.

Udine is completely full of tourists

 and does look like a good mix of Rome and Venize (just as tourists guides warned us!). In fact, as you cross the border (hm, absolutely no one at the border on Saturday morning) you can tell you are in a different country.

The city center is clean, hot and hosts a nice flee market. We walk around glancing at some interesting items: some Russian china and tableware, souvenir mock Faberge eggs, binoculars and flasks with Nazi cross?.. I do wonder who would buy such things even in this part of the world.

The stores are packed with people. We end up stocking up clothes (while time permits) in large stores carrying both men's and women's clothing - to get our tax free paperwork completed :)

A granny in the coffee shop we got our first shot of double espresso/cappuccino in seems to understand my Italian and gives me a sweet smile. The owner of a little basement-type café in a little street just steps away from the shops barely understands English and does not speak a word of it, so with some help of our limited Italian and improvised sign language we end up with great wine and a simple but delicious mortadella sandwich. By the way, you could kill somebody with that  huge stick of motradella...

Gelatto is yummy, just like Slovenian. Sprits in the little café above a creek we have our light lunch at - are a killer. Literally, whatever they add to it that looks like soda and not proseco - is not soda at all. I realize it when we start talking about a couple of German cyclists that join the rest of their group late, I suggest that's because they got lost driving around a krožišče  and I totally lose it.

On the way back home I keep thinking that it's a shame we won't make it to Florence this time.

Jurmala turned out to be a very interesting place:

although much as to what I was expecting from just seeing videos and pictures of the town, the actual town spirit was an interesting mix of late 90-s early 2000-s of the post-Soviet area and modern Eastern Europe. The beach is Sochi-long, but unlike Sochi is a sand beach (hot sand!) and is followed by a stripe of pine forest along the shore. I do not think I have ever swum in a sea while enjoying strong pine smell floating above water. By the number of ice-cream booths and stands Jurmala can compete with Venice and its gelato stores at this time of year. People are nice. The hospitality of our hosts is beyond description.

A long conversation with people of our generation about jobs and unemployment, government and politics, local view or EU vs Russia and high expectations of the Land of Great Opportunities is very informative and extremely thought provoking. A long conversation with people of slightly older generation about the economics, politics, doing business in EU and globally is, well, very informative too!

Riga is a little cute gingerbread town to be crissed-crossed for a day, especially with a great guide such as one we had. Looking back it is it hard to believe how much we managed to stuff into this one day: from the main city attractions to driving through the Moscow Vorstadt (all sprinkled generously with historic information, gossip, anecdotes and jokes), to the Riga Central Market (beer with cannabis, anyone?), to real Uzbek food (never thought chebureki could be that delicious. How do they manage to pour broth inside??).  A separate highlight of the trip to the market was that the gift to us - a "dream of an immigrant" bag filled with "taste of nostalgia" fish products worth of 8kg - safely made it to Slovenia.

One extremely stupid thing to do

Is to schedule blood donation following a morning appointment with a pediatrician, and before an elaborate tour of errands and a 5K run. Especially if you accidentally forget to schedule time to eat and forget to replenish lost fluids along the way as well.

I haven't felt so dizzy in a long time; while I've been feeling lightheaded for the past 6 months, finding myself in a state of nearly losing consciousness in gym's shower today without a soul around to ask for help - was particularly bad. Apparently my next step would be setting reminders to have a snack or some water during the day...

On the bright side, I witnessed an amazing thing at Bonfils today. While doing the questionnaire I noticed a lot of walk ins with no appointments, in fact, so many Bonfils could not accommodate them all! Typically, it's just me waiting and a couple of mid-aged men or women with an appointment; today people walking in were pretty diverse. Having asked a staff member about the reason for such a high number of walk ins, I was told it was all due to the Orlando shooting. Turns out Bonfils's announcement about the need for more blood for the shooting victims brought in quite a few volunteers who wanted to help those in serious condition - instantaneously!
Truly remarkable and amazing.

If there's only one good thing about being a witness to a nasty online fight

between a group of... women who howl about all the difficulties of being a women in the modern world and a group of women and men who push back with "oh, why being so negative?" and "let me just tell you about all the problems men have" respectively - it's the happy realization on how lucky I am not to think in such terms and not to live in a world where there is always some fat bully above me just waiting for the next chance to ruin my life.

Not that I live in the perfect world of sunshine, rainbows, puppies, zero gender pay gap and adequate maternity support - I have had my experience with job loss following having a child, being pushed around by male colleagues and managers who did not know what was going on in the department close to how well I knew it (parce que c'est il qui "porte le cravate" (c) ), was approached with random offers of sex by random men and was denied a bank account opening and apartment rental... no, wait, the last two actually occurred due to my origin, not gender :)  But I absolutely can not understand how bashing men online for something they screwed up years ago can help improve somebody's life. And having a thread of dozens of comments where anyone is trying to out-misery everybody else with her own miserable experience indicates there's clearly something more than mere venting going on. Men can never understand us because they don't get pregnant, give birth or "even bleed every month" <sic>. Right. How much more can this fact ruin your life?

I can handle the feeling of "life is not fair" coming around every couple of months and always being replaced by the feeling of  "I'ma show you how great I am"(c), but I can't possibly imagine living 24/7,  year after year feeling insignificant, misunderstood, ignored, abused, used... Growing this feeling inside me, nurturing it, giving in to it...  I wouldn't be able to.

5 am. Dinning room.

It's chilly in the house and the entire dining table is covered with kinetic sand and molds, colouring books and pencils. The birds outside are just starting to go crazy, and I have a huge mug of coffee and hope I won't wake anybody  up  with the sound of keystrokes.

I have - again - hit the "no time to do it all" wall. Every so often I start to realize at the back of my head I start to run out of resources - time and energy. It obviously is cyclical although not periodical or proportional to the amount of work complete - so hard  to predict when it will happen next, and at what point exactly and what projects will affect.

The last exam is coming up - and this time I'm glad I allocated 1 week more for preparation, than for REG. I'm half way through the section and not only I can't memorize all the rules and regulations for every single audit situation for Issuers and Non-issuers... I can't even always soak up the logic behind this and constructively organize the principles in my mind, or draw the pictures to enhance mnemonics (by now I've used Castro doing a presentation for a group of retirees, Snowden abandoning his citizenship, the monuments of Washington DC, terrorists targeting a group of Japanese tourists in Paris... but I feel I'll have to get really creative with the AUD section!), or -bad enough - even understand the meaning of a homework question sometimes!

Every morning starts with a 5K followed by abs exercises. Every morning as I step on the treadmill I keep telling I have to be super careful today not to have an accident by losing balance and falling down on treadmill, or falling asleep behind the wheel, or poisoning myself on caffeine, or smashing into something while trying to attend to both demanding boys at the same time, or just giving up and falling my face down into a frying pan while cooking dinner.

And then there's a deadline for 2 articles coming up. And so many things to be completed and arranged before mid-June. Just in case I ever feel nostalgic about this time in my life: I know long and hard period of growth always precedes a big growth spurt, and judging by all I'm into right now... well, I can't wait to see what the next level I'll get to will be like!

Adding a stack of those to my wishlist