One great and relaxing week.

Started studying new forms in do-jang. It's getting serious, but it's fun and I like how it all starts to come together and make sense now.

Tried myself in the role of bourgeoisie and had our house professionally cleaned. Working the numbers from the invoice backwards, it took 2 people almost 5 hours to do deep cleaning. (does it mean my efficiency is double that of an average person?). Parallel to this ordered groceries in and - it makes such a big difference when after a hard day at work and a long stop at daycare for Chills you come back to a clean house - and the food is there! Looks like I'm in a desperate need of a ... wife!

Had a good review at work and received some unexpectedly great feedback and right on the spot comments. Seeing the firm partners have same work values and priorities is always a good sign.

And the library suddenly has all the books I need, and it has finally become nice and warm out. Good weather is one of the major time savers for me, so hurray!

Power corrupts. Power over your own body corrupts absolutely.

Now an orange belt.

April 17.

We were sitting at a bar. Nearly empty  - after all it was still during normal office hours. Top floor. From my bar stool I could see the solar panels right outside the patio. "That's our neighboring  business's, - said the bartender. And  added how they had to strictly ban smoking on the patio so the cigarette buds do not fall on the panels and do not accidentally damage them".

A wall of liquor bottles, top to bottom. And beer taps, mainly microbrewery left to right. Once upon a time I worked in a place with bottles on the shelf, left wall to right. Now I am here after work, and after a period of a hard work, and after all the work I've done I'm trying to put my thoughts together and think clearly and I feel like I'm in a fish tank, and everything around is surreal.

Gusty wind was throwing around newspapers, plastic bags, debris - looking especially  cute  with the French-style light jazz playing in the bar. Here the wind is dancing with the traffic light trying to knock down the pole, and here - no, it can't! And now a tree branch is lifted up in the air, and now - it just missed somebody's car! Hell, I barely had been blown off my feet while walking a block away from my car!

- ... So we decided you all could take the rest of the week off! - I've heard our Audit Partner's voice. I mean I had been hearing her well all that time, but at that moment I thought I did not.
I asked her twice to make sure it was not a joke and neither a mistake.
I asked if everyone in both offices will take 3 days off.
I asked if no one will for sure show up and that there would be no objections from the firm partners.
I finally realized that there's no mistake and no small print, and 2 other partners just confirmed it, and.... by the end of the week I will have my life and myself in better shape. For sure.
And then there was a little bit more oxygen in my fish tank.
And between the blood orange IPA and driving to daycare, I realized that this must be the most basic, practical example of happiness for me - complete freedom, with no strings attached.

 - Let's throw in sick kids 2 weeks apart, - said the Universe. - and see how she does now!

She did well. Working from home with a sick kid (or both!)  - who are miserable and constantly need attention, and catching up at night - now I've tried nearly everything in combining career with motherhood.

 - Let's throw in some more tax return and some more Audit work - said the Universe. - and let's see how she does.

She did well. :) hours are accumulating - that's what I'm most happy with.

On the other hand - there's a trivial to-do list that gets copied from other week to the next in my agenda for over a month now. The first week after April 17 will be hectic and insane.

Yellow.

Even in times when all energy seems to be drained by all first-priority commitments and not really replenished due to little sleep and unfortunate changes in my diet - there seems to be a hidden reserve that helps me stay active when I need it most. Yep, after this tax season I'll probably drop dead and remain a disoriented zombie for the next couple of months, but right now - on a typical working Saturday I nailed all urgent stuff in the office for a couple of hours, changed on the way to Dojang, at 11 was in Dojang revising poomsae, basic motion and stepping and stretching, had an engaging and tiring but fun test, and by 1pm left Dojang with a yellow belt, two halves of a broken board and a medal for perfect attendance (which goes to Belking for without him watching the kids there would have been no attendance at all). Then go back to the office and work for another couple of hours before returning home for a shift of being a caring, fun and patient Mom.

Breaking the board, actually was the only completely nerve-wrecking moment on the test. Seeing an inch-thick board suddenly made me think of the busy season at work, having little kids, playing the piano and another 1/2 dozen reasons I could not afford to have my palm broken :) Funny to remember just 10 minutes later when the board has already been hamer-fisted into 2 pieces and my palm had no bruise or scratch...

Re: the FAQ "I don't know how you go through tax season with two little children!"

I don't know either. Just walking out of study room at 0.30am to go take a shower (not to bother Von Zobel later) and to get back to tax returns - and realizing that you still have slow-cooked chicken in Insta-pot and a pot of boiled potatoes to be mashed - waiting for you on the kitchen counter top.
'Cause work needs to be done, but kiddos need lunch to be cooked and packed for next day too :)

*Work-life balance notes*

Kids are super exited to come with me to the office on Saturday. They pick and put on their best clothes. They dress up in 3 minutes. Arthur helps Adrian to dress. Adrian wears jeans (not some day-care-pants) and insists on a belt (!).
In his big boy voice Arthur asks for a snack:
- Can he take some goldfish with us? We'll get hungry while you are working.
-Sure, grab a handful for each of you, please.

Later in the office, I indeed find in their backpack 2 carefully closed containers with just a handful of goldfish crackers. Apart from the crackers, out of their back pack came: 2 whole apples, 2 whole pears, 2 bananas, 2 mandarins, 2 personally packed servings of humus, 2 sticks of mozzarella string cheese, 2 small... cheese pancakes (syrniki) and a handful of dried mango.

I honestly expected to finally roll out a cooler with beverages out of the backpack. But no, there were some paper towels packed at the bottom.

- That's our picknick! - smiled Arthur.

31

I remember thinking a year ago that I came to 30 years with almost as much as most people achieve in their entire lifetime, and if I die right now - oh, well - it was a good life overall, and I wouldn't feel too bad.

Fast-forward a year to today... There's no way my life can stop right now :) I have new goals, new values, new circumstances, new knowledge about people around that I can't ignore anymore, new horizons to get to... And I back to the battle-mood of striving to get there before I run out of time...

What do accountants do for their pre-tax season party?

They go shoot each other as teams in Dart Warz. :) A few takeaways from tonight:

1. It's always the quiet ones.
2. An average CPA can probably be an aggressive hitman.
3. Never wear a sweater to a dart shooting again.
4. Regular workouts help.
5. But I think shooting practice was on my RealPlans list for this year, so I should get to it.
6. Check the emergency kits in both cars to make sure they are stocked up with enough allergy relief remedy for any impromptu beer after-party at a house with cats.

What a life changer  it is to work out of office close to home! Literally - 5 minutes away from Chinchillas's daycare! 4 days out of 6 I will be going to the office nearby, for the next 6 month at least - that's so many hours saved on commute given it takes around 1.5 hrs a day to drive to Lakewood in traffic!

On the other hand, I am glad I took the chance of going through entire Shakespeare works last year, when I had it. I just got my Odyssey CDs from the Library, and I'm at end of Disc 1 out of... 12 and it's hard to tell how I'm going to cope with it listening just 2 days a week. And then, there's also Iliad to cover this year...

Back from first resort family vacation.

Classic vacation with 2 toddlers full of digging holes in sand and building sand castles, putting on layers of sunblock morning and evening, running to and from waves, finding shells, watching pelicans, ships and boats,  and admiring a few local cute animals who were all, for simplicity, called "squirrels".

Good preparation helped a lot. We brought just enough clothes to survive a week, having had 1 laundry done mid-way (Arthur got sick just before leaving and was periodically throwing up over me on the way to Cancun. He woke up perfectly healthy the first morning in Mexico though). Chills loved their new sandals with lights, swimming trunks, hats and UV-protecting T-shirts (ordered in bright Orange, which worked out great to spot one of our kiddos at a distance). Arthur's responsibility was to carry in his toddle backpack their beach bucket, spades and cups, a boat, a submarine and 2 cars. Yep, we brought our own stuff, and that was one of the best decisions for everything was durable, used on a daily basis and could be conveniently put into the bucket and carried around.

Food deserved a separate compliment, for Chills could always find something to enjoy. Even for the kids that eat literally anything- the variety was ample. For the first 2 nights, they asked pasta for Dinner- of course, something that's not often offered to them at home :) On the third night they asked for ribs and more interesting yummy things with their pasta and the pasta remained almost untouched :) But all the time through the vacation they enjoyed ribs, meat, soups, veggies and fresh fruit to the extent that I was beginning to worry coming back to simple home menu will be hard for them. Fresh watermelon, passion fruit and "pink" ice-cream were daily must-haves. And a sudden discovery as food that they can eat non-stop was... red caviar. Even though for neither of them this was the first time they tried it - but they both must have the "red caviar savoring" gene as on those few nights the buffet served caviar - they would literally eat as much there was in front of them. And if they were in the middle of a desert when I finally made it to the caviar and brought some to the table - they would stop in the middle of their ice-creams, grabbed soup spoons and quickly attack my plate. And once there was no caviar left they would return to their ice-cream as if nothing happened.

Another thing I was happy they enjoyed was mini-disco after dinner. Their social life definitely started early - they loved to be dressed up in their cute evening shirts and look sharp,  loved to be part of the action on stage and especially loved getting candy treats after the dance. Only apparently they decided not to repeat the movements they were shown, and do their own dance instead - something less energy consuming and making them look cool and mysterious.

Now that this first trip is done, it will only get easier. Next step is to renew Arthur's passport this summer or sooner, and then - to decide if we can attempt trips to Canada and Spain by the end of this year.

I completed my first scuba dive in 5 years.

Since 2012 I was in a constant pregnancy-breastfeeding-pregnancy-breastfeeding mode, and then Chills were too little, and now, years down the road, I managed to schedule a dive and what's more important - during Chills' day nap time. Priceless.

Surprisingly enough, not all the skills were lost. Actually, none of the skills were gone but a good chunk of the vocabulary was. I could do the basic exercise, assemble my scuba set, but a regulator... what the heck is a regulator?! Oh, that stuff that was in my mouth for the past 45 minutes? Oh, thaaaat regulator!..

 So, my wetsuit soaked the water of the Caribbean once again and later, on the boat back to the shore, I noted the dive did not trigger my asphyxiphobia and muscle memory serves me well. Indeed, when I was last diving I might have been thinking that was the most insane thing I had ever done. Did I have a clue that I would soon have 2 kids back-to-back, pass CPA exams, switch from Global Mobility to PA, become a columnist on time management and efficiency, start learning martial arts and would go through a good dozen of other life-changing revelations? Every experience changes me. I am a different person from the one I was 6 months ago, let alone 6 years. And yet - here I am, my wetsuit, aviator sunglasses, salty breeze and sun in the face, wide grin and salt in the hair... That indescribable state of being - not "me" but still me...

***Non official reflections on 2017 ***

I started 2017 with a long list of goals, precise and dry, resembling a shopping list more than a beautifully worded list of resolutions.

The Universe though always has its way to stir up things without warning, and so it did this time. After some brief eye blinking and face palming, I realized that the two major goals I had for 2017 that involved cooperation/help from other people would need to be pushed back. Until the time I figure out a way to do this on my own, or get help from my Fairy Godmother (the former is more likely). But yep, losing to myself, falling behind on what matters to me now - still sucks and is hard to accept 😃

As to what depended on me to the most part - I've spent a great first year at a new workplace, survived a full-time tax season with topping off my billable hours at night and daily 2 hour commute. Maintaining a schedule of constant pick ups and drop offs (kids - to and from daycare, myself - to and from work 😃, groceries, library books, kids' toothpaste) was easy but left little room for errors/delays. Besides, being grounded in the triangle of home-work-daycare for months is irritating.

At the same time, I did not give up on level of life for our family (priorities....), so no man of our family (regardless of age) has to dig into the laundry basket for a "relatively fresh" shirt when he runs out of shirts, the walls of our house are not covered in mold and our fridge does not echo. I call it success.

I do know now that in the remaining time I can listen to complete works of Shakespeare, although I did have a good start here. In addition to Faust, and going through audio courses of Slovenian and some Latin. Yep, that has a lot to do with my commute time.
I now know that my brain absolutely refuses to follow by ear and memorize Latin declensions and conjugations.

I do know that I can get back to good physical shape within a few months (it only requires to prioritize work outs to sleep during, say, tax season).

I pulled my bottom to Taekwondo, and it loves it I love it. I could not come to classes as often as I wanted to, hence - I did not get the belt I was aiming for, but plan to fix it next year.
I've never been involved into a physical activity that required - actually - learning control over my body (as in professional sports or dancing), so this is completely new experience to me. And the circumstances where I can't get by with just good memory and quick thinking, but have to MOVE and DO stuff. I'm intrigued.

I somehow managed to illustrate the short story for my Chinchillas I wrote last year, and on some drawings you can even tell a moose from a raven. At least by colour.

I'm genuinely happy with all the things that happened this year. Some of them were due to be completed or started a while ago, others were unpleasant, unexpected and probably unnecessary - but pointed at my personal security breaches as well as weaknesses.

For 2018 I'm planning to boil down all my moves, thoughts and ideas to 3 areas only. And while I'll be working on bringing them to life, Dear Universe, please be on my side!

Sitting on the floor in my closet. Listening to Zemfira while going over the contents of a box of my diaries.


My style of those days is nothing like blogging, - more epistolar, vague, overfilled with details... I hardly remember myself across these pages and I  absolutely do not recognize my way of reflecting and interpreting, can't tell why certain things mattered more than others.


To do me justice though, I had no control over any major events in my life back then, no resources and could hardly take care of myself.


Once a survivor, you'll get an immunization for the rest of your life. Enough motivation to stay away from the swamp, enough of anger, strength, imprudence, hunger.


I just need to keep it all together and to keep moving, and to keep working, and all the resources and opportunities will follow. Just need to solve the puzzle in my mind first and the rest will fall into place.