Finished Faust.

Hits the spot, Mephistopheles rocks and the tragedy will now be highly recommended by me to anyone going through an existential crises =)






Never thought one of my 2 favourite books is so close to being a fanfiction to Faust. Maybe because I practically know Master and Margarita by heart that all the parallels between Mephistopheles and the "court" of Woland, Auerbach's cellar and Woland's offering cigarettes and wine in the novel, Walpurgisnacht - and the Satan's Ball, Emperor's carnival and Woland's performance at Varieté ....


Just like playing a jazz improvisation piece for weeks and then hearing the original :)




Nevertheless, I do not love Master and Margarita any less now, and admire Pasternak even more (not that I ever doubted his genius), and some time - probably when I retire - I should improve my German to the point when I can read the original. In a few years though it will be interesting to come back to it, but to a different version of translation.

In some thin time slot,

while walking from a kids birthday party to Home Depot, with Chill Jr sitting comfortably on my left arm and Chill Sr holding my hand (walking through the entire plaza and parking on both ends), I stopped by World Market store and got myself a tiny jar of joy.


I don't know why it's not on sale anywhere else, and I can't tell from what dark depth of my gut feeling an impulse to check this store came from - but the fact is: I'll have a rye bread - Marmite - avocado toast for breakfast tomorrow!!

I think it is safe to say this little stubborn bunny has accomplished goal #4 for 2017

And has come back to running! Apart from stubbornness it took of course:

•  change of speed to 5.7 mi/hr,
• wearing compression socks 3 days a week (under suit trousers),
• taking my time stretching before and after running,
• including more of various stretches in the "before and after" routine,
• changing trainers.

Next stop from here - booking the 10K Harmonie Geneve pour UNICEF for 2018!

Having spent the day in rushing to daycare to drop off Chill Sr, rushing through traffic to Lakewood to work, spending 8 hours in "between worlds" physically and mentally in tax preparation, rushing through traffic to a grocery store with a list of groceries to buy to daycare for our snack days, rushing to daycare to pick up Chill Sr and drop off bags of food, rushing back home through traffic while talking to Chill (okay, talking to my kids is actually the best part of the day), preparing fish and veggies to load to the oven while having both Chills hanging on me demanding attention, going for a walk with 2 Chills and 2 of their bikes (for which the younger one needs assistance all the time) , coming home to a tantrum of 2 hungry kids refusing to wash hands before they are fed, serving the dinner and going through the dinner helping Chills with their food and jumping up every now and then for a glass of water or a tissue, while trying to grasp the idea of and contribute to the conversation of Von Zobel's work and clients, cleaning up after the dinner, preparing milk for Chills, getting them off to bed after a couple of short bedtime stories/ kids' poems, rushing to gym to hold on to my 5K progress, rushing back home to slay a couple more tax returns before making it to bed after 1am -

 -  I feel like politely replying to every "Happy 8th of March" I receive today by suggesting to shove it up...

Working for a month with no days off.

Unless 4-hr work days count as days off.
My job requires 60+ hour work weeks for another 6 weeks, and given that between dropping off and picking up Arthur from daycare I physically only spend 8-8.5 hrs in the office and all my time home before kids' bed time is devoted to kids (including cooking and some chores) - it's easy to picture what my nights are like. Or what my life is like. Actually, what is my life like now?

Third priority after family and work is workout, just as I planned. And it works well, and without physical activity nothing will work at all. Maybe that explains the reason I am able to keep mental sanity and work productivity :)

Pressure cooker is a life savior. Once a week I load in chicken or turkey legs ("drumsticks"), mix some basic sauce and pour over, set the timer for 15-18 minutes and leave off to play with or read to the boys. Other days it's baked or fried fish, quickly fried steaks, beef stroganoff in yet again pressure cooker (better than in the frying pan and no mess!) and - veggies. Lots of veggies! Salads, steamed Normandy mix, baked with fish, quickly sautéed with steak. Thank Buddha, all 3 guys in my family are happy with good veggie eaters! Non cooking every single evening, but not less than I was planning.

House cleaning -  falling a little behind, although it's not on top of my priorities list. Doing a good job not having any heavily messed up zones in the house, any piles of dirty laundry or mess in the kitchen.

As days get longer and warmer - I will need to start plugging in some work in the backyard too. Will have to figure exactly how :)

Grocery shopping and errands are done on Saturdays after work: manage to pick up all necessary stuff and not run out of anything essential in the middle of the week (although picking up fresh salads, fruit and veggies during work week is a must, yep!)

Last year at about same time I was past 2 exams and had 2 more to go - a pretty challenging period still, if not by such drastic lack of time then by psychological pressure. What's good about leaving this year behind - I'm still good at self discipline and self-organization and will pick peace of mind over calm lifestyle anytime.

Life is trully amazing

when, as you're rolling around the carpet in tears, miserable and whining, your son comes to you and hugs you. And then strokes your hair and tells you that everything will be Ok.
And the other son just learned to kiss you on the cheek, and that makes you smile and brings you back to life.

Another milestone is their progress in dialogues they now have. For example, as Arthur is putting together blocks with pictures and Adrian is putting in pieces in the clock shape sorter Arthur can ask:


- Can I help?
- No.
-No?
- No, I'll do it myself!

I feel like I'll be taking more and more notes of their little talks soon :)

The past week went under the motto of "buy a goat - sell the goat". Just as I suddenly got a goat on my plate - well, 3 actually - and then got rid of them life became much more tolerable.

Although I'm still contractually obligated to produce 50 hours a week, and although I'm used to working an average of 50hrs/week at a full time corporate position, I am somewhat slowing myself down from recording all the time I spend my reflections on whether my time spent was indeed 120% productive. Need to pretend I am a bog important lawyer and start billing every 5 minutes I spend on a client, and stop shaving off 1-2 hours a day already, before I fall behind on hours.



A new experience that came into my net this week was a sudden promotion within one UN upcoming project: they offered me to review and proofread. Walking around happy and proud of myself at a mere thought of it! I was just wondering how it happens than when I translate 4 simple lines from English to Russian I end up with 8! But looks like I'm on the right track.

There’re days when even the air around  is still, void and old. Sniff the air - and you know no changes are coming any time soon. Time to keep your head down and work, make progress, build up resources, build up your own resistance and wait for a better moment.

And then there’re days when you can sense the wind of change all around you: fresh, promising, full of hope. Giving you the alert to be ready for the long-awaited to emerge, the anticipation of the new and better. Evolving courage to go with the flow and trust your instincts for nothing can go wrong and the Universe will take care of you and place you exactly where you need to be.

...I left gym at 11pm tonight and walking home through the open space felt the change of wind. From still and heavy feeling of two days ago, it brought the sense of strength, calmness and an up move. And when I literally walked up the hill I saw huge full moon right above the lights of Centennial - usually the residential area of Centennial has no lights at night, but tonight the far end of the open space of our community ended in a silent void for miles ahead and rising above were the floating islands of lights and the surreal moon. All - like a picture of a different dimension woven by the wind in the night sky as I was walking towards it. It seemed all I had to do was just to make one step closer and stretch out my hand...

Only late in the evening did I start to realize the whole meaning of the news.

No more exams. No more tedious studies for the exams. No studies through Tax season! No stress of missing the deadline for credit expiration. No more of living hell of being stuck in uncertainty.

Freedom. Empowerment. Ability to move on in life. Ability to chose what to next.

I've counted 900 more work hours I need at the firm; the interesting thing here being - my old hours from 3 years ago expiring for licensing purposes and I am gaining new ones. In any case, I estimate 6 months as the latest I will need to wait before the official application process.

I already went to my goal page to cross off the goal on passing the last exam this year, but then I realized the goal actually read "to have the license in hand". Well then, just a little more time...

By the way, when I was going through my books - to give them to a next potential candidate - I found a sheet of paper folded and stuck between pages. In FAR book.

I don't know how many times I've changed today.

I think all I did was running around, changing clothes, accepting calls and messages, rushing-rushing-rushing...

From a hairdresser appointment at 7am (yes, on a  Saturday morning), to a swimming class for Chill Sr (while trying to pull Chill Jr away from the side of the pool), to quick lunch with friends and Liz (we stole the idea of catering with Mad Greens from my firm, from the lunch we had there yesterday), to Room Escape quest game (with a spy theme, and 1 hour is definitely not enough! Unless you want to cheat and cash in all your clues and prompts), to rushing back home and chinchilling with Chills who woke up soon after we came, to going to Von Zobel's favourite Helga's to fight off his deschnitzelization (yes, it's a condition), to working (Birthday is not an excuse to miss a day!) and finishing up Chill Jr's scrapbook (because the younger one must have anything the older one has... not to create precedents on playing favourites).





Sometimes I feel like I crushed into my Terrible Thirties full-speed: starting a completely new challenging and interesting job, starting up.... a start-up; a professional license, 2 kids, running 5Ks, taekwondo, articles on personal efficiency, productivity and time management, UN volunteering, reading all of Shakespeare works and researching options for Masters degrees and PhD...

But then I remember I've been in my Terrible Thirties for a long time now. Maybe my life shaped accordingly. And still, there is so much now I've always wanted and raced for, and that I now enjoy having and feel so grateful for. And do not believe anyone who says overachievers can never be happy as they always need to have more. We do long for more, but we are happy with what we have here and now, and we are happy in the process of moving forward, exploring, doing and experiencing. If I were to complete this life now - I would die completely satisfied of what I've done so far ( and curious of what the next life will bring!)
However, I still have an unfinished business in this life...

2016 could have been the first year during which  I could have made 6 blood donations - the maximum number of donations in a year.

- Ha! - said the Universe and dropped the level of iron in my blood quite below the acceptable level right on the day of donation.

-Ok, - I thought, -  Saves an hour for errands; can finish my errands sooner and study without interruption.

- Yep! - said the Universe and started a snowfall on Wednesday, causing the test center to be closed the next day due to weather conditions.

- No problem, - said I. - I will reschedule and have a few more days for revision.

- Good luck with that! - said the Universe and generously presented the next appointment on the exam calendar 2 weeks after my start date at work. Which kind of ... interfered with my goal of being done with the exam before my start date, and not having to study at night, being all exhausted.

Having spent a decent amount of time and energy on the phone with Prometric, I got a testing time in 2 days, rather than 2 weeks. "Cool" - thought I.

- Ha! - said the Universe and got my kids' nanny sick the next morning. The morning I had to drop off my car for repair right after dropping off Arthur at daycare.

- Whatever, - I said. With Von Zobel's help of managing 1 car seat and 1 child, dropped off Arthur, was at repair shop on time, managed to take off 2nd booster seat (extremely hard to do when it's below zero outside and your fingers are frozen), patiently waited for the staff to double and triple check their calendar as they did not even have me down  for that morning (despite confirmations and reminders emailed to me!), patiently waited for rental car company to pick me up (which should have been arranged for the time of my arrival to the car shop), patiently went through the rental car pick up process and finally got home very close to boiling point in my brain.

- Ok, good luck with your revision now, - said the Universe
- Ha! - said I. And focused on the revision, and played with Chill Jr after he woke up, and took him to Chill Sr's daycare to pick him up together.

The next day was pretty uneventful, and started with Chill Sr's  swimming classes and continued into dealing with screaming kids (Von Zobel did get them out for a walk at some point though), and finding myself in the end of a looong queue once I arrived to the testing center. Apparently, everybody felt as smart as I was and decided to come a little early. But I did get to start the exam on time, and there were no technical hiccup along the way either. And even though my brain was fried after the exam (as it always is) I managed to get through some unfinished business that night, and today too, functioning more like on an autopilot, but getting things done nevertheless.

New phase in life commences tomorrow. Thank you, Dear Universe!
I need to work out a new schedule and a new source of energy to follow it through daily. :)

5 days till the New Year

I do well getting through sleep deprivation (for the past 12 years), and only hope I do memorize the parts of the Audit course that I believe I memorize well with all the time I keep putting in.
My car is perfectly clean, but I still back out of the madness of the parking lots cautiously, praying I do not hit anything or anyone.

I juggle  so many things at home that I keep my toes crossed that while I am finishing up something urgent at one part of the house, the mess the Chinchillas Bros create at another part of the house will not be dangerous to them.
I have a signed contract in hand and a start date - and being back on the track brings me more relief than anything else in the world now.

I have mastered all 3 blocks and get a much better feeling of my body during the movements. I fool around and while only my partner can hear me instead of "Kiap" yell "Namaste!". "Yes, right, - grins my partner, - the vengeance in me...."

I have wrapped up 3 pile of gifts for 3 toddlers and shipped back the laptop whose CD-rom sounded like the entire thing was going to take off into the air and fly out of the window every time I was going to install QuickBooks. And I do need a functioning laptop with Quick Books, Office, Tax and Engagement for next year.

I have written 4 articles on productivity and time management in the past 6 months. I have challenged my own productivity and time management skills as I know them and - only the coming year will show what other tricks I have up my sleeve.

I have a couple of travel projects existing as dry plans. "Just add water" - that is, just add some money for the actual booking and time for the travel and follow the directions for locations, transportation and itinerary.

I have patiently introduced Arthur to swimming and he is doing great, which means I can't pull him out now, but also need to find a way to bring Adrian  to classes.

Von Zobel has booked a spring-summer trip to Europe, and the anticipation has already started for both of us. Just need to decide on a destinations for a few short trips within our vacation.

I think about all the things I want in New Year, all the new goals I need to set for myself now - and nothing comes to mind, apart from balancing all the things I am rushing into 2017 with and not letting a single thing drop out of my hands. I feel like I am already running at full speed and might need several months to get adjusted to new life style where I finally have what I wanted before I want... start to want anything else.

But then I still pencil down a couple of things  - just so I don't forget. And then two more - in case an opportunity emerges. And before I know it I have 10 specific things I want to do next year. And in the next 5 days, I'm sure I will come up with even more ideas.

In the past few days I managed to screw up some insane number of times, hurt myself, burn a plastic lid by accidentally turning on wrong over and ruin a pile of cleaning rugs by forgetting to take them out of washer for 2 days. Also broke a plastic board - this one for the sake of practice on the taekwondo class.

The bruise under the left eye is almost gone.
I have a pile of gifts for 3 toddlers to pack. 
Somehow in this one morning I managed to buy box of crayons for Arthur's whole class, sign a gift tag for each box and stick a small chocolate to finish each of the 15 creations; followed by packing and signing gifts for Arthur's teachers. I sense the work will double in a year :)

Last Saturday afternoon I found myself at a baby shower of a friend (so amazingly organized by the way!) where I was literally seating in a room full of Accountants and Financiers. A very interesting feeling - to find myself in the club house of the community we have our condo at, but as a guest (rather than showing it to potential tenants) - and be among Russian-speaking females who work for banks, mortgage companies, public accounting, industry accounting... And have kids :) So stories about hardship of lives of working moms of 2 followed and could be pretty discouraging in the light of recent events had I not had made certain decisions for the next 5 years of my life.

The evening that followed though I found myself in quite a different company, but that of accomplished professionals too, and the conversations we had could not have been more reassuring and uplifting, including the parts needed to be read between the lines. Everybody struggles with bringing up children and no one knows what your biggest struggles will be; it is possible to have 3 children and have a great life; it is possible to have 4 children even and still have a great life (including great looks and a great Christmas tree); long years of self-development and growth as a professional - is very  normal; managing many projects simultaneously- is very normal too.
My bruise works extremely well as a conversation starter, by the way, outshining the Christmas tree from a good layer of makeup. I should probably ask Arthur to hit me somewhere in the cheekbone in a couple of weeks.

The office I have to go to for the interview is 20 minutes away

that is, not considering the traffic. In traffic the drive will be about an hour long. However, none of the locations in DTC,  Greenwood Village or South Denver offer such a great position with 3 areas of specialization and flexible schedule.

I am ready for my job search to be over, to start spending my time in a much more productive way, to leverage the knowledge and experience I have. So this job looks like the right solution.

 

I just need to find a way to integrate my own tax practice into my new schedule.  And Arthur's swimming classes. And my taekwondo lessons, - apart from gym that is. And I need to negotiate new work hours with the nanny, and find a way to cook a meal in 15 minutes and to clean the entire house in 1 hour, apparently... And right now I have no idea how I will manage to get there but I now I will, because now I only have 1 exam left and the studying is exhausting and tedious, and I have a black eye that is impossible to hide under make up now, even for the interview, and a shin splint which becomes worse now that I wear high heals, and I should have eaten something substantial before the interview - if only I had time. And everything around me becomes so heavy and tiresome, even that lead snow cloud that I'm driving under, that I almost feel tears dripping down the bruise concealing make up all the way to my blouse and trousers. As if what I really need right now to make this year complete is to burst into tears right during the interview.

 

But the harder and more confusing it becomes to navigate any segment of my life, the most certain it is that I will find all the right answers and put together the best strategy to get further. And to be honest, I prefer facing any difficulties and turbulence than being stuck at one point with no change at all. Swamp of routine is never good. Chaos - is somewhat a good sign though, a good start. I might not have a cheat sheet with all the right moves, and I do waste a great deal of my resources and every step up comes at a high price,- but at least 30 years down my life (almost) running up an ice hill still makes more practical sense than waiting for a right time and thus slowly gliding down.

A year from now I will look back and smile. I always do.

Chaos is definitely a good beginning.

 

When your 3 year old suddenly listens to you, but the moment is wrong.

- Mom, help me!
- Chinchill, get dressed. You do it well!
- No, help me!
- But you're big enough to do it yourself!
- No, I'm a little boy.
- Ok, I'll hold your pants for you. Jump in!

And at the moment I bent holding Dr. Chill's pants low for him, he came right below my face and actually jumped.

...He did accuse me or hurting him in the head with my face later. I was just happy my left eye was spared and that a 3 year old can't actually sue his Mom for throwing her face on his head. He would have won.  Nine months of exclusive breast feeding do show now when it comes to strength, brain and development.

...Told my Taekwondo instructor that my blackeye is the result of practicing the newly acquired MA skills, for a moment he seemed to have believed me. And I can't wait to get my uniform already so I can officially look like a kung fu panda :)