On the flight to Boston

I was seated with a business consultant and a cyber security solution manager (thank you Dear Universe, very funny on both accounts!). The business consultant was very sociable and, in an old-school way, dove right into small talk with the cybersec guy on best security practices, on what can be done to up his Mac, Chinese and Russian Hackers, how there has been an increase of attacks from Russia, how things just got worse with the government silent blessing etc.

(...Naturally, by the time dialogue unfolds I already have work laptop open at the last 15 minutes of security educational overview, have Mitnick's "Art of Intrusion" book sticking out of the front sea
t's pocket and, catching the Consultant's glances at my screen every now and then, I'm ready at any moment to respond in the thickest Russian accent: "Wwwhat? I'm learrrning to haahck... Comrades!"

But the point of the story though is that the cybersec guy (apart from his own work laptop and small talks on what's going on with today's world) got himself busy with the Rubik's cube. He'd have the consultant scramble it every now and then, and then would work to solve it again while continuing the conversation. The consultant would time him every time, and the results would be around 5 minutes or less.

The cybersec guy explained:

- My 9 year old son really got into solving these. He was watching videos, practiced for 2-3 weeks, and got really good now. I couldn't do it but I didn't feel like having a 9 year old beating me, so I started practicing myself with the videos, and for the first couple of weeks it didn't make any sense and then I could follow the patterns better and better, and got faster. And now we have family contests between me and him: we time ourselves and see who'd get a better time. He still beats me a little.

Guess what was the first thing I added to my Amazon cart as I got to the hotel?

*pensive*

If walking away from people with swine-like behavior and losing non-rewarding dead-end job brings such relief as it did in the past year, if a change to get away from the town to a deeply loved city is rare, precious and vital gulp of fresh air - patience has long ceased to be a virtue in my life.
Speaking about spooky things on Halloween - it is scary where your endless patience may take you.

April 17.

We were sitting at a bar. Nearly empty  - after all it was still during normal office hours. Top floor. From my bar stool I could see the solar panels right outside the patio. "That's our neighboring  business's, - said the bartender. And  added how they had to strictly ban smoking on the patio so the cigarette buds do not fall on the panels and do not accidentally damage them".

A wall of liquor bottles, top to bottom. And beer taps, mainly microbrewery left to right. Once upon a time I worked in a place with bottles on the shelf, left wall to right. Now I am here after work, and after a period of a hard work, and after all the work I've done I'm trying to put my thoughts together and think clearly and I feel like I'm in a fish tank, and everything around is surreal.

Gusty wind was throwing around newspapers, plastic bags, debris - looking especially  cute  with the French-style light jazz playing in the bar. Here the wind is dancing with the traffic light trying to knock down the pole, and here - no, it can't! And now a tree branch is lifted up in the air, and now - it just missed somebody's car! Hell, I barely had been blown off my feet while walking a block away from my car!

- ... So we decided you all could take the rest of the week off! - I've heard our Audit Partner's voice. I mean I had been hearing her well all that time, but at that moment I thought I did not.
I asked her twice to make sure it was not a joke and neither a mistake.
I asked if everyone in both offices will take 3 days off.
I asked if no one will for sure show up and that there would be no objections from the firm partners.
I finally realized that there's no mistake and no small print, and 2 other partners just confirmed it, and.... by the end of the week I will have my life and myself in better shape. For sure.
And then there was a little bit more oxygen in my fish tank.
And between the blood orange IPA and driving to daycare, I realized that this must be the most basic, practical example of happiness for me - complete freedom, with no strings attached.

Re: the FAQ "I don't know how you go through tax season with two little children!"

I don't know either. Just walking out of study room at 0.30am to go take a shower (not to bother Von Zobel later) and to get back to tax returns - and realizing that you still have slow-cooked chicken in Insta-pot and a pot of boiled potatoes to be mashed - waiting for you on the kitchen counter top.
'Cause work needs to be done, but kiddos need lunch to be cooked and packed for next day too :)

31

I remember thinking a year ago that I came to 30 years with almost as much as most people achieve in their entire lifetime, and if I die right now - oh, well - it was a good life overall, and I wouldn't feel too bad.

Fast-forward a year to today... There's no way my life can stop right now :) I have new goals, new values, new circumstances, new knowledge about people around that I can't ignore anymore, new horizons to get to... And I back to the battle-mood of striving to get there before I run out of time...

What do accountants do for their pre-tax season party?

They go shoot each other as teams in Dart Warz. :) A few takeaways from tonight:

1. It's always the quiet ones.
2. An average CPA can probably be an aggressive hitman.
3. Never wear a sweater to a dart shooting again.
4. Regular workouts help.
5. But I think shooting practice was on my RealPlans list for this year, so I should get to it.
6. Check the emergency kits in both cars to make sure they are stocked up with enough allergy relief remedy for any impromptu beer after-party at a house with cats.

I completed my first scuba dive in 5 years.

Since 2012 I was in a constant pregnancy-breastfeeding-pregnancy-breastfeeding mode, and then Chills were too little, and now, years down the road, I managed to schedule a dive and what's more important - during Chills' day nap time. Priceless.

Surprisingly enough, not all the skills were lost. Actually, none of the skills were gone but a good chunk of the vocabulary was. I could do the basic exercise, assemble my scuba set, but a regulator... what the heck is a regulator?! Oh, that stuff that was in my mouth for the past 45 minutes? Oh, thaaaat regulator!..

 So, my wetsuit soaked the water of the Caribbean once again and later, on the boat back to the shore, I noted the dive did not trigger my asphyxiphobia and muscle memory serves me well. Indeed, when I was last diving I might have been thinking that was the most insane thing I had ever done. Did I have a clue that I would soon have 2 kids back-to-back, pass CPA exams, switch from Global Mobility to PA, become a columnist on time management and efficiency, start learning martial arts and would go through a good dozen of other life-changing revelations? Every experience changes me. I am a different person from the one I was 6 months ago, let alone 6 years. And yet - here I am, my wetsuit, aviator sunglasses, salty breeze and sun in the face, wide grin and salt in the hair... That indescribable state of being - not "me" but still me...

Sitting on the floor in my closet. Listening to Zemfira while going over the contents of a box of my diaries.


My style of those days is nothing like blogging, - more epistolar, vague, overfilled with details... I hardly remember myself across these pages and I  absolutely do not recognize my way of reflecting and interpreting, can't tell why certain things mattered more than others.


To do me justice though, I had no control over any major events in my life back then, no resources and could hardly take care of myself.


Once a survivor, you'll get an immunization for the rest of your life. Enough motivation to stay away from the swamp, enough of anger, strength, imprudence, hunger.


I just need to keep it all together and to keep moving, and to keep working, and all the resources and opportunities will follow. Just need to solve the puzzle in my mind first and the rest will fall into place.

An elementary Math problem: The mail with my 1st Bachelor's diploma shows its status as "delivered" as of October 5th.  Today's date is October 26th. The International Evaluation department of the Licensing Association I'm working with are claiming they are still processing mail delivered on October 1st. As of Friday last week - they were processing mail delivered on September 28th. I started evaluation application process in July.
Question: will I get my license in hand before I retire?




In good news: Taekwondo lessons are great. That exact feeling that you're at your place despite not knowing what you're doing and even doing... n'importe quoi. A little crazy to follow the instruction in 2 languages: given I've already picked up - purely by listening - some Slovenian and Latin, trying to repeat Korean makes me forget what planet I am on. But hey - as soon as I realized I will be training in a studio that's part of World Taekwondo Federation - or WTF, which is a very precise summary of my life - I knew I was at the right place.


Looks like the vein treatment went well, and if it did indeed - I may have to put off another surgery for now.


Another dozen of Shakespeare works left. I'm of course, a lucky witch, whose Bookworm-ing goal fell for exactly the time when my commute to and from work takes about 2 hours every day. A once-in a lifetime opportunity, if you're a looking at going through dozens of serious and sophisticated works that require you to understand the subjects and conflicts raised, appreciate the language and to get fully submerged into the literature style.

Passionarity then, huh? :)

"... the ability for and urge towards changing the environment, both social and natural, or, physically speaking, towards the disturbance of inertia of the aggregative state of an environment"
http://creativity.netslova.ru/Passionarity.html


A politically correct synonym for the yet another Russian "awe up in the ass".

Burnt at a baseball game.

But had such a great time and stayed focused with new potential co-workers I also had no clue what was going on the field.


Walking back to the office from light rail station, all hot, red, sweaty, exhausted and content with the day - I realized that all the 3-4 baseball games I have been to - were all networking events. That is, I've never been to a baseball game just for the sake of it, but only as part of networking - yep, a great example of great modern culture, - and never had a chance to actually though roughly see and comprehend the game.




Note to self: switch to tennis games as for business and networking. Then learn to play golf and switch to golf :)
Note #2: if your firm's partner tells you you can wear shorts to the office due to baseball game trip - he might actually mean it.

Thinking outloud



When proponents of "family" as a necessary institution and a mandatory integral part of a life of any "socially-healthy and normal" individual explain the advantages of maintaining good relationships with close and remote family members - the arguments used revolve around the idea that family gives you strength, that the best moments in life are shared with your family, that the family shapes you into your best self, that your parents have made an investment - that no one ever will be able to match! - into you, in money, time, energy. That the seniors in your family will shower you with words of wisdom, care and support in difficult times, and the ones closest to you will always share the burden, and the ones you've helped - will return the favour. And if this is not how things have worked out for you - than there's definitely something wrong with you, ungrateful looser.

All in all - the family is viewed as the best thing that can happen to you, the best thing you will ever have and the main reason you work, stay healthy, educate yourself, have a social life, have a romantic relationship. And of course, we know that the biggest advocates of rules (let alone the creators) - are those who benefit from them the most - but this is a point I will come back to some day later.

The 2 questions I have following the imposed statement though are:

Should blood ties ( or any blood ties of blood ties ) that create a feeling of misery and anger ; that suck out energy and feed on somebody else's hardship and problems; that tell lies and gossip behind the back; that demand commitment to living a life based on their needs and expectations; that use manipulations (especially sudden problems with health), psychological pressure; that are rude, insincere, immature and absolutely do not care about the consequences of their actions and behavior on other people's lives - be considered a family?

Can family - by the definition of people who make you feel stronger, better, more secure, happier - consist of friends and life mentors?





Early Monday evening of a long 4-day weekend. Swimming pool.

I'm chasing Arthur in the water trying to bring him from the shallow part to the deep one and hold him while he tries to remember some swimming techniques. He is absolutely reluctant to move to the deeper end:
- Not going there! I don't want to! Nooo!


***efilymkcuf*** Taking a deep breath, holding him tight, and supporting by tummy and under arms so he feels comfortable enough to agree to move to a deeper side. After a few minutes of getting used to sailing on Mommy a new quest begins: Mommy wants to try swimming in a floating vest, and Arthur is not keep on transitioning to it yet. I mean, if Mom wants - she can try to float on her own (if she can buckle it, hahahaha), and yes, I know my cousin floats just fine, but I'm not interested; and you keep saying it's easy and safe, but still not interested, and I see my little brother is trying to jump into the pool at 4ft on his own, but no, I'm not afraid just reasonably cautious. Reasonable cautiousness has been the basis for babies' survival for centuries, everybody knows that. Even when a baby is well in his three...


Leaving Arthur alone and supporting him for as long as it takes - yields first results: Arthur realizes the vest is not made of lead and water is quite safe and starts moving his arms and legs, pushing himself towards the side of the pool. Now it's important not to hold excitement and pride within and keep telling him what a smart and amazing kid he is. And as he keeps on hearing being praised, his kicking and scooping become stronger and more confident, his face becomes more relaxed and brights up and as he reaches the side of the pool he exclaims:


- I swam! I swam on my own.
- You did indeed! You did such an amazing job! See, you were afraid at first, but then you pushed yourself, and did your best, and stayed focused - and swam on your own! If you are brave, persistent and strong - you can do anything you want and you can learn to do anything you want!


Happy. Exited. Proud of himself:
- I want to swim again!


And we swim again to the middle of the pool, and then back to the side. And again. And he is happy for climbing this mountain, and I am happy for him, and the sun shines and the wind gets  stronger, and he is shivering , and it's almost 6 and time to leave.


-Sweetie, let's go.
- I don't want to leave!
- It's time to go!
- I want to swim!
- You're shivering, wet, cold and your lips are turning blue.
- No! I want to swim more!!!


***efilymkcuf***

Did some preliminary planning for 2018 UNICEF Marathon.

- the ne registration is open now.

Given that the hotel availability might change, that most of the trip search and booking platforms do not show airfare for later than mid-April 2018, that I only counted 2 full days in Geneva (3 nights total, that is), that we might be looking at 2 registration fees if Belkin decides to run - I'm looking at $1,500 for just this item on my bucket list. Pretty realistic and could be worse :)

On a side note - the Universe just bumped my head into the idea of increasing my monthly earning capacity to what I was planning to be my next quarterly earning capacity. Perfect timing as always - just as I start to relax and have doubts about the reason of all the wishes, goals and master life projects I have and why the hell should I .... - here comes a gentle reminder: pull yourself together, do what needs to be done and live the life you want.

Argh! When all this is over

I'll spend the next week's evenings in bath with Epsom salt and a glass of wine, watching movies, eating sushi and checking prices of tickets to London and Geneva!...


... who am I kidding? When all this is over - I will spend the next week just catching up on the appointments, delayed articles, new volunteer work, CPA Ethics course, house cleaning, and getting myself back into shape - hence no sushi at night.


... Of course, I still need to live to see the moment it will all be over - in one piece and not loosing my sanity.

Working for a month with no days off.

Unless 4-hr work days count as days off.
My job requires 60+ hour work weeks for another 6 weeks, and given that between dropping off and picking up Arthur from daycare I physically only spend 8-8.5 hrs in the office and all my time home before kids' bed time is devoted to kids (including cooking and some chores) - it's easy to picture what my nights are like. Or what my life is like. Actually, what is my life like now?

Third priority after family and work is workout, just as I planned. And it works well, and without physical activity nothing will work at all. Maybe that explains the reason I am able to keep mental sanity and work productivity :)

Pressure cooker is a life savior. Once a week I load in chicken or turkey legs ("drumsticks"), mix some basic sauce and pour over, set the timer for 15-18 minutes and leave off to play with or read to the boys. Other days it's baked or fried fish, quickly fried steaks, beef stroganoff in yet again pressure cooker (better than in the frying pan and no mess!) and - veggies. Lots of veggies! Salads, steamed Normandy mix, baked with fish, quickly sautéed with steak. Thank Buddha, all 3 guys in my family are happy with good veggie eaters! Non cooking every single evening, but not less than I was planning.

House cleaning -  falling a little behind, although it's not on top of my priorities list. Doing a good job not having any heavily messed up zones in the house, any piles of dirty laundry or mess in the kitchen.

As days get longer and warmer - I will need to start plugging in some work in the backyard too. Will have to figure exactly how :)

Grocery shopping and errands are done on Saturdays after work: manage to pick up all necessary stuff and not run out of anything essential in the middle of the week (although picking up fresh salads, fruit and veggies during work week is a must, yep!)

Last year at about same time I was past 2 exams and had 2 more to go - a pretty challenging period still, if not by such drastic lack of time then by psychological pressure. What's good about leaving this year behind - I'm still good at self discipline and self-organization and will pick peace of mind over calm lifestyle anytime.

The past week went under the motto of "buy a goat - sell the goat". Just as I suddenly got a goat on my plate - well, 3 actually - and then got rid of them life became much more tolerable.

Although I'm still contractually obligated to produce 50 hours a week, and although I'm used to working an average of 50hrs/week at a full time corporate position, I am somewhat slowing myself down from recording all the time I spend my reflections on whether my time spent was indeed 120% productive. Need to pretend I am a bog important lawyer and start billing every 5 minutes I spend on a client, and stop shaving off 1-2 hours a day already, before I fall behind on hours.



A new experience that came into my net this week was a sudden promotion within one UN upcoming project: they offered me to review and proofread. Walking around happy and proud of myself at a mere thought of it! I was just wondering how it happens than when I translate 4 simple lines from English to Russian I end up with 8! But looks like I'm on the right track.

I don't know how many times I've changed today.

I think all I did was running around, changing clothes, accepting calls and messages, rushing-rushing-rushing...

From a hairdresser appointment at 7am (yes, on a  Saturday morning), to a swimming class for Chill Sr (while trying to pull Chill Jr away from the side of the pool), to quick lunch with friends and Liz (we stole the idea of catering with Mad Greens from my firm, from the lunch we had there yesterday), to Room Escape quest game (with a spy theme, and 1 hour is definitely not enough! Unless you want to cheat and cash in all your clues and prompts), to rushing back home and chinchilling with Chills who woke up soon after we came, to going to Von Zobel's favourite Helga's to fight off his deschnitzelization (yes, it's a condition), to working (Birthday is not an excuse to miss a day!) and finishing up Chill Jr's scrapbook (because the younger one must have anything the older one has... not to create precedents on playing favourites).





Sometimes I feel like I crushed into my Terrible Thirties full-speed: starting a completely new challenging and interesting job, starting up.... a start-up; a professional license, 2 kids, running 5Ks, taekwondo, articles on personal efficiency, productivity and time management, UN volunteering, reading all of Shakespeare works and researching options for Masters degrees and PhD...

But then I remember I've been in my Terrible Thirties for a long time now. Maybe my life shaped accordingly. And still, there is so much now I've always wanted and raced for, and that I now enjoy having and feel so grateful for. And do not believe anyone who says overachievers can never be happy as they always need to have more. We do long for more, but we are happy with what we have here and now, and we are happy in the process of moving forward, exploring, doing and experiencing. If I were to complete this life now - I would die completely satisfied of what I've done so far ( and curious of what the next life will bring!)
However, I still have an unfinished business in this life...

The office I have to go to for the interview is 20 minutes away

that is, not considering the traffic. In traffic the drive will be about an hour long. However, none of the locations in DTC,  Greenwood Village or South Denver offer such a great position with 3 areas of specialization and flexible schedule.

I am ready for my job search to be over, to start spending my time in a much more productive way, to leverage the knowledge and experience I have. So this job looks like the right solution.

 

I just need to find a way to integrate my own tax practice into my new schedule.  And Arthur's swimming classes. And my taekwondo lessons, - apart from gym that is. And I need to negotiate new work hours with the nanny, and find a way to cook a meal in 15 minutes and to clean the entire house in 1 hour, apparently... And right now I have no idea how I will manage to get there but I now I will, because now I only have 1 exam left and the studying is exhausting and tedious, and I have a black eye that is impossible to hide under make up now, even for the interview, and a shin splint which becomes worse now that I wear high heals, and I should have eaten something substantial before the interview - if only I had time. And everything around me becomes so heavy and tiresome, even that lead snow cloud that I'm driving under, that I almost feel tears dripping down the bruise concealing make up all the way to my blouse and trousers. As if what I really need right now to make this year complete is to burst into tears right during the interview.

 

But the harder and more confusing it becomes to navigate any segment of my life, the most certain it is that I will find all the right answers and put together the best strategy to get further. And to be honest, I prefer facing any difficulties and turbulence than being stuck at one point with no change at all. Swamp of routine is never good. Chaos - is somewhat a good sign though, a good start. I might not have a cheat sheet with all the right moves, and I do waste a great deal of my resources and every step up comes at a high price,- but at least 30 years down my life (almost) running up an ice hill still makes more practical sense than waiting for a right time and thus slowly gliding down.

A year from now I will look back and smile. I always do.

Chaos is definitely a good beginning.

 

Post-election. Day 1.

My day started at 4.35 in the morning (courtesy of Chinchilla Jr) and it was fun to watch Internet go crazy then already. Adequate people turning into drama queens, throwing vain promises, emphasizing meaningless opinions and foregoing facts. All out of sudden the world feels like it's not just a freaking manager of a country has been elected on a 4-year contract basis, but a point of no return has been reached for the entire mankind. It's amusing how close to heart people take the results of the election, and irritating to see how much time and energy they spent on whining, complaining and projecting gloom and doom.

Funny how quiet everybody was this morning. Gym was awkwardly soundless, no usual chit-chatting, and people on treadmills, elliptical and bicycles were staring at the screens watching culinary shows, movies - not the actual news though! (Colorado voted for Hillary).
No discussions of the results in the changing room. Quiet.
Uneasiness in the air at the library - I had to use their Copy  - a librarian I asked a question almost whispered the answer to me. No discussions, no mentioning of anything.

Driving to Granite Tower in the Downtown - people are jumpy, careless. On the bright note- the construction on Business School building of UC Denver is nearly finished :) Going up to the 28th floor I see for the first time mentioning of Trump's twits on the screen in the elevator TV. Recruiter's office - no small talk; unless a receptionist answers the phone, it is quiet.
At daycare - no jokes, no comments about the Elections between the parents or the teachers. There had been none even with our nanny this morning!

And so throughout the town -  no discussion of "last night". Denial? Anger? Trying to bargain - coming up next?