I sometimes feel like I start to behave like a typical "Russian mother" walking around the community and neighbourhood

constantly yelling out remarks to her kids.
-Arthur, don't walk out on your own!
- Adrian, don't go there alone!
- Arthur, STOP!!! And look to your left and right to see if a car is coming!
- Adrian, please keep walking! DON"T STOP in the middle of the road!
- Arthur, no, you can't pee at their lawn!
- Adrian, don't run into the puddle! You're not wearing your rain boots, remember! Don't slap the puddle with your bare hands please!
-Arthur, please don't harass the worm! No, he doesn't like it!
- Hey! You both! Stop throwing stones into the sewer!
-Arthur, please look straight ahead! You're going to run somebody over on your tricycle!




And it goes on, and on and on. Yes, I only raise my voice when my kids are at a distance - so they can- physically- hear me better. And yes, I have the luxury of not screaming my head off for soiled clothes, or for my kids for actually walking, running or... biking away at their own pace and not walking next to me the whole time, or for actually walking in the after rain mud. I spare my voice for special moments only :)


But I still don't see how it's possible to be the only mother who.... wait, I don't see any other mothers out for a walk with toddlers. Actually, I don't see any toddlers either. It's not typical working hours... where are all the kids thought? Hmmm, maybe that's why....

Done with Tax season 2017 :)

Almost unbelievable how I managed to survive the past 2.5 months without a single day off, in one piece, in full sanity, continuing jogging and doing some volunteering work. Although given that I never give in - it was not that unbelievable after all.


Our firm gave away Vivofits as little token of appreciation for the good job done this Tax season - and I love the gesture! While I'm not letting this AI bracelet spying on me in my sleep, the step counter will be very useful in a month, during our European hikes and long strolls with Chinchillas.


Speaking about upcoming Euro-trip 2017 - there's a lot of planning to be done for Croatia and Italy (Austria/Latvia - TBC) and even more unfinished business to catch up on before mid-May. This includes bringing my health and body back from Survivor mode to sustainable highly-functioning state, doing a couple of photo-shooting, buying my Wedding witness dress, buying presents and some clothes and toys for Chills Sr & Jr, catching up at work and making all doctor appointments for this summer. Sounds easier that it is :)


Decided to take a break from Shakespeare and Goethe and am now listening to the Slovenian Language CD in my car. What a huge difference it makes - to start learning your first foreign language (or two) with all continuous repeating of easy words, long explanation of easy grammar concepts and - God forbid to come to this again! - learning phonetical transcriptions! And then - attempting your 5th (or 6th? lost count) language, by listening, in car - on the way to work and back, in the middle of your breakfast (yes, still in the car), driving with one hand, holding coffee cup with the other and almost yelling so I can hear myself - kaj je glavno mesto Spanije?!

Another week to go

Argh! When all this is over

I'll spend the next week's evenings in bath with Epsom salt and a glass of wine, watching movies, eating sushi and checking prices of tickets to London and Geneva!...


... who am I kidding? When all this is over - I will spend the next week just catching up on the appointments, delayed articles, new volunteer work, CPA Ethics course, house cleaning, and getting myself back into shape - hence no sushi at night.


... Of course, I still need to live to see the moment it will all be over - in one piece and not loosing my sanity.

We've survived this winter!

The trees are finally blooming, it's finally warm enough for shorts. Chinchilla Sr is mastering his new bike (with 2 assistance wheels) and is doing pretty damn good! Chinchilla Jr is mastering his big brother's scooter; at one point he just stepped on it, pushed himself off with his right foot and went out of the garage straight downhill on his own, while I was sprinting to catch him before he would reach the road, my hair turning gray and trying to understand if this is indeed the right kids I'm chasing: he looks like Chill Jr, but it can't be him! He's not even 2 yet!!








All in all I love how these 2 little brothers are getting along. How they comfort each other, and hug each other, and see each other to bed. And their meaningful, serious conversations are priceless! Of course, when they are in a middle of a fantastic dialog I have no pen and paper close at hand, and every time I start video recording - they become aware of me and stop whatever they are doing.








Despite busy schedule I got done with UNV proof-reading project in a good timing. Interestingly enough, one can tell exactly by looking at a translated text where a part was translated by a different person: the style varies, the choice of words varies, the number of typos or missing articles or prepositions varies... And still it's fun to realize that while you can offer a different version of translation in some cases, in others - you wouldn't have thought about word(s) that fit so well!




Two more weeks to Tax Season's finish line. With the 60 hour work weeks and family and home demanding all the time outside work - I now have about 3 weeks worth of unfinished business I will need to take care of in a prompt manner after April 18th, so I can move on with life :) I feel like for any idea I take through to the end I have 2 more which, at the moment they occur I feel are so great, I have to put at the bottom of 2018 list (yep, 2018). And by the time I get to it (maybe sooner than 2018) I will be out of resources, angry, sleep deprived, wondering why I even wanted it at the first place, but being too proud and stubborn to give it up now.

Finished Faust.

Hits the spot, Mephistopheles rocks and the tragedy will now be highly recommended by me to anyone going through an existential crises =)






Never thought one of my 2 favourite books is so close to being a fanfiction to Faust. Maybe because I practically know Master and Margarita by heart that all the parallels between Mephistopheles and the "court" of Woland, Auerbach's cellar and Woland's offering cigarettes and wine in the novel, Walpurgisnacht - and the Satan's Ball, Emperor's carnival and Woland's performance at Varieté ....


Just like playing a jazz improvisation piece for weeks and then hearing the original :)




Nevertheless, I do not love Master and Margarita any less now, and admire Pasternak even more (not that I ever doubted his genius), and some time - probably when I retire - I should improve my German to the point when I can read the original. In a few years though it will be interesting to come back to it, but to a different version of translation.

In some thin time slot,

while walking from a kids birthday party to Home Depot, with Chill Jr sitting comfortably on my left arm and Chill Sr holding my hand (walking through the entire plaza and parking on both ends), I stopped by World Market store and got myself a tiny jar of joy.


I don't know why it's not on sale anywhere else, and I can't tell from what dark depth of my gut feeling an impulse to check this store came from - but the fact is: I'll have a rye bread - Marmite - avocado toast for breakfast tomorrow!!

I think it is safe to say this little stubborn bunny has accomplished goal #4 for 2017

And has come back to running! Apart from stubbornness it took of course:

•  change of speed to 5.7 mi/hr,
• wearing compression socks 3 days a week (under suit trousers),
• taking my time stretching before and after running,
• including more of various stretches in the "before and after" routine,
• changing trainers.

Next stop from here - booking the 10K Harmonie Geneve pour UNICEF for 2018!

Having spent the day in rushing to daycare to drop off Chill Sr, rushing through traffic to Lakewood to work, spending 8 hours in "between worlds" physically and mentally in tax preparation, rushing through traffic to a grocery store with a list of groceries to buy to daycare for our snack days, rushing to daycare to pick up Chill Sr and drop off bags of food, rushing back home through traffic while talking to Chill (okay, talking to my kids is actually the best part of the day), preparing fish and veggies to load to the oven while having both Chills hanging on me demanding attention, going for a walk with 2 Chills and 2 of their bikes (for which the younger one needs assistance all the time) , coming home to a tantrum of 2 hungry kids refusing to wash hands before they are fed, serving the dinner and going through the dinner helping Chills with their food and jumping up every now and then for a glass of water or a tissue, while trying to grasp the idea of and contribute to the conversation of Von Zobel's work and clients, cleaning up after the dinner, preparing milk for Chills, getting them off to bed after a couple of short bedtime stories/ kids' poems, rushing to gym to hold on to my 5K progress, rushing back home to slay a couple more tax returns before making it to bed after 1am -

 -  I feel like politely replying to every "Happy 8th of March" I receive today by suggesting to shove it up...

Working for a month with no days off.

Unless 4-hr work days count as days off.
My job requires 60+ hour work weeks for another 6 weeks, and given that between dropping off and picking up Arthur from daycare I physically only spend 8-8.5 hrs in the office and all my time home before kids' bed time is devoted to kids (including cooking and some chores) - it's easy to picture what my nights are like. Or what my life is like. Actually, what is my life like now?

Third priority after family and work is workout, just as I planned. And it works well, and without physical activity nothing will work at all. Maybe that explains the reason I am able to keep mental sanity and work productivity :)

Pressure cooker is a life savior. Once a week I load in chicken or turkey legs ("drumsticks"), mix some basic sauce and pour over, set the timer for 15-18 minutes and leave off to play with or read to the boys. Other days it's baked or fried fish, quickly fried steaks, beef stroganoff in yet again pressure cooker (better than in the frying pan and no mess!) and - veggies. Lots of veggies! Salads, steamed Normandy mix, baked with fish, quickly sautéed with steak. Thank Buddha, all 3 guys in my family are happy with good veggie eaters! Non cooking every single evening, but not less than I was planning.

House cleaning -  falling a little behind, although it's not on top of my priorities list. Doing a good job not having any heavily messed up zones in the house, any piles of dirty laundry or mess in the kitchen.

As days get longer and warmer - I will need to start plugging in some work in the backyard too. Will have to figure exactly how :)

Grocery shopping and errands are done on Saturdays after work: manage to pick up all necessary stuff and not run out of anything essential in the middle of the week (although picking up fresh salads, fruit and veggies during work week is a must, yep!)

Last year at about same time I was past 2 exams and had 2 more to go - a pretty challenging period still, if not by such drastic lack of time then by psychological pressure. What's good about leaving this year behind - I'm still good at self discipline and self-organization and will pick peace of mind over calm lifestyle anytime.

Life is trully amazing

when, as you're rolling around the carpet in tears, miserable and whining, your son comes to you and hugs you. And then strokes your hair and tells you that everything will be Ok.
And the other son just learned to kiss you on the cheek, and that makes you smile and brings you back to life.

Another milestone is their progress in dialogues they now have. For example, as Arthur is putting together blocks with pictures and Adrian is putting in pieces in the clock shape sorter Arthur can ask:


- Can I help?
- No.
-No?
- No, I'll do it myself!

I feel like I'll be taking more and more notes of their little talks soon :)

The past week went under the motto of "buy a goat - sell the goat". Just as I suddenly got a goat on my plate - well, 3 actually - and then got rid of them life became much more tolerable.

Although I'm still contractually obligated to produce 50 hours a week, and although I'm used to working an average of 50hrs/week at a full time corporate position, I am somewhat slowing myself down from recording all the time I spend my reflections on whether my time spent was indeed 120% productive. Need to pretend I am a bog important lawyer and start billing every 5 minutes I spend on a client, and stop shaving off 1-2 hours a day already, before I fall behind on hours.



A new experience that came into my net this week was a sudden promotion within one UN upcoming project: they offered me to review and proofread. Walking around happy and proud of myself at a mere thought of it! I was just wondering how it happens than when I translate 4 simple lines from English to Russian I end up with 8! But looks like I'm on the right track.

There’re days when even the air around  is still, void and old. Sniff the air - and you know no changes are coming any time soon. Time to keep your head down and work, make progress, build up resources, build up your own resistance and wait for a better moment.

And then there’re days when you can sense the wind of change all around you: fresh, promising, full of hope. Giving you the alert to be ready for the long-awaited to emerge, the anticipation of the new and better. Evolving courage to go with the flow and trust your instincts for nothing can go wrong and the Universe will take care of you and place you exactly where you need to be.

...I left gym at 11pm tonight and walking home through the open space felt the change of wind. From still and heavy feeling of two days ago, it brought the sense of strength, calmness and an up move. And when I literally walked up the hill I saw huge full moon right above the lights of Centennial - usually the residential area of Centennial has no lights at night, but tonight the far end of the open space of our community ended in a silent void for miles ahead and rising above were the floating islands of lights and the surreal moon. All - like a picture of a different dimension woven by the wind in the night sky as I was walking towards it. It seemed all I had to do was just to make one step closer and stretch out my hand...

Only late in the evening did I start to realize the whole meaning of the news.

No more exams. No more tedious studies for the exams. No studies through Tax season! No stress of missing the deadline for credit expiration. No more of living hell of being stuck in uncertainty.

Freedom. Empowerment. Ability to move on in life. Ability to chose what to next.

I've counted 900 more work hours I need at the firm; the interesting thing here being - my old hours from 3 years ago expiring for licensing purposes and I am gaining new ones. In any case, I estimate 6 months as the latest I will need to wait before the official application process.

I already went to my goal page to cross off the goal on passing the last exam this year, but then I realized the goal actually read "to have the license in hand". Well then, just a little more time...

By the way, when I was going through my books - to give them to a next potential candidate - I found a sheet of paper folded and stuck between pages. In FAR book.

I don't know how many times I've changed today.

I think all I did was running around, changing clothes, accepting calls and messages, rushing-rushing-rushing...

From a hairdresser appointment at 7am (yes, on a  Saturday morning), to a swimming class for Chill Sr (while trying to pull Chill Jr away from the side of the pool), to quick lunch with friends and Liz (we stole the idea of catering with Mad Greens from my firm, from the lunch we had there yesterday), to Room Escape quest game (with a spy theme, and 1 hour is definitely not enough! Unless you want to cheat and cash in all your clues and prompts), to rushing back home and chinchilling with Chills who woke up soon after we came, to going to Von Zobel's favourite Helga's to fight off his deschnitzelization (yes, it's a condition), to working (Birthday is not an excuse to miss a day!) and finishing up Chill Jr's scrapbook (because the younger one must have anything the older one has... not to create precedents on playing favourites).





Sometimes I feel like I crushed into my Terrible Thirties full-speed: starting a completely new challenging and interesting job, starting up.... a start-up; a professional license, 2 kids, running 5Ks, taekwondo, articles on personal efficiency, productivity and time management, UN volunteering, reading all of Shakespeare works and researching options for Masters degrees and PhD...

But then I remember I've been in my Terrible Thirties for a long time now. Maybe my life shaped accordingly. And still, there is so much now I've always wanted and raced for, and that I now enjoy having and feel so grateful for. And do not believe anyone who says overachievers can never be happy as they always need to have more. We do long for more, but we are happy with what we have here and now, and we are happy in the process of moving forward, exploring, doing and experiencing. If I were to complete this life now - I would die completely satisfied of what I've done so far ( and curious of what the next life will bring!)
However, I still have an unfinished business in this life...