Sitting on the floor in my closet. Listening to Zemfira while going over the contents of a box of my diaries.


My style of those days is nothing like blogging, - more epistolar, vague, overfilled with details... I hardly remember myself across these pages and I  absolutely do not recognize my way of reflecting and interpreting, can't tell why certain things mattered more than others.


To do me justice though, I had no control over any major events in my life back then, no resources and could hardly take care of myself.


Once a survivor, you'll get an immunization for the rest of your life. Enough motivation to stay away from the swamp, enough of anger, strength, imprudence, hunger.


I just need to keep it all together and to keep moving, and to keep working, and all the resources and opportunities will follow. Just need to solve the puzzle in my mind first and the rest will fall into place.