October.

For a few weeks now I end up sitting in the same Light rail car as a big man in large headphones, humming and talking to himself. His humming is so loud, long  and deep-in-the chest, it keeps all the passengers who have not heard it before confused by  the sound ' s origin, and when I first heard it myself I thought the train car was going off the rails.


Today's the coldest day of this semester, with drizzling rain and gusty winds developing as I am already waiting for my train at the stop. sitting in the car I catch myself thinking my shoes are two light and thin for such weather. This thought flows into trying to remember the last time I was wearing weather-incompatible shoes. Must be when working at La Reserve - I did have to take train and walk to and from train stations. Good times!.. Where did I keep my work shoes then? Must be my locker - yes, I did have a locker in the staff changing room. Was it also where I would keep my German study book for the times I arrived to work too early in the morning? Must be.


It's amazing how such details escape conscious mind for so many years - not that I needed to refer to them daily, and because I needed to constantly keep my mind clean for other... thoughts. But they've been somewhere deep down my memory all along. As I pass downtown, I take a different route to the building my class is at, and when glancing in the window of a hotel I walk by I see a team of waiters circled around a Maitre-d'  and realize they're going through their instructions, and their shift is about to begin, and it's going to be a pretty busy evening with such nasty weather outside.

Dear Chemists, Chemical Engineers, Environomental Scientists et al!

On behalf of that luckiest part of the present day human kind who live in permanent accommodation  - and therefore, have to run a household,  and who also have children - and therefore, deal with a number of items and objects meant to ease up the process of raising up children, I seek your help in inventing, creating and making available:

1. A THING working on neutralizing the chemical part in gels, powders, creams, liquids used either for house cleaning or for personal hygiene. When a toddler squeezes out shampoo on the carpet, scatters dishwasher detergent all over the kitchen floor - it would be great to... pick whatever you can and put it into a THING  to make the end product less harmless for the environment. If you need to dispose off of a 1/4 bottle of hair conditioner  that by no means work for you anymore - instead of flushing it all down the toilet, it would be much better to run it through the THING and minimize the overall amount of the chemicals run in the sewage waters because of waste. 
2. STUFF for turning the contents of the baby and (especially) toddler diapers into all-natural organic fertilizer. All you need to do is to throw  in a filled up  compostable diaper. Just imagine - a Diaper Genie size STUFF that stands near your changing table or in the bathroom and keeps those extra... few pounds a day from going into a landfill,  but rather to actually benefit land. Priceless for those who have an excess of used diapers at home, and their green thumb spouses' little garden in the backyard. 
3. A SOMETHING that composts kitchen waste of organic origin in matter of days. I believe works on the prototype that used bacteria were already carried out, but please - come up with a SOMETHING affordable and available to the middle class, kitchen-size and  fully baby proof.

To any Chemists and Environmentalists that are in fact genius scientists: is there any way to design an exothermic THING, STUFF and SOMETHING? On the household scale, we could all use some additional energy...

I'm sure for many this will be an easy and logical step to contribute a small improvement to the world by "starting with themselves". On my end, I am willing to volunteer for the projects as idea contributor and the final product tester ;)

Sincerely,

Rita.

Second postpartum recovery is complete:



Ran my first 5K postpartum - which technically indicates I'm back to pre-prenatal shape - without killing my ankles and lungs. And judging by the photo it only took me .02 mile to get my phone ready and document the achievement.

 

#26. Martin Eden.

On one hand, I feel frustrated and embarrassed I didn't pull myself together to make time to read this novel earlier. On the other hand, it does leave me with mixed feelings I doubt I would have had even a year ago. On the third hand Just as I could live every line talking about all the effort required for learning and all the challenges of self-improvement (and I love works about and biographies of autodidacts!), the last few chapters completely smudged the integrity of Martin's personality, leaving very much under doubt the phenomenon of adverse change in such a short period of time for a person of extraordinary will and abilities. I couldn't even explain what exactly does not seem true; maybe I already have Man's search for meaning too deep in me, overwriting the possibilities of fatal disappointments and apathy...

Sunset almost soaks in my Light Rail train as it is rushing south, away from the Downtown.

The last car is full of people, yet the sun rays find their way through the windows, through the crowd to my little green book lying on top of my backpack. On my way to the seat I managed to drop my lipstick and nearly the backpack itself. I'm lucky I got a seat though and am now able to try to focus on the revenue recognition principles. I've actually been pretty damn lucky recently.

A few days ago a potential nanny called to accept our offer. She was my first and most preferred candidate, and, having discussed some details on the work hours, I hung up and slowly breathed out...

Almost at the same time as my nanny seeking quest came to an end, our garage door, front door and frames were painted - finally putting an end to almost 9 month long house repair and maintenance process that followed last September's hail storm. Next project - bathroom remodeling, which I now feel less annoyed about and more like putting an end to.

My Ethics class, as it turned out a couple of hours ago, will focus on decision planning and planning. This couldn't have been more useful and timely - I will need to make quite a few serious decisions soon. Sure enough, the Universe is conspiring to provide enough resources to help me finish my most important project in the next six month :) Besides, the International Organizations' Management class just had to be available for me now, so I could make up timing for it and work out that if I listen to the online lectures at gym during my workouts - I will be able to follow the course and complete assignments according to the schedule. So far it works like magic. And when I complete the quizzes at home, in my own study space on a full size laptop, and the University logo pops up and the course picture show as I sign in - I bet I can smell the blossoming chestnut trees, forming a maze of shady alleys in the park this University is located at.

2/3 of summer 2015 is gone.

If I had to describe what the past 2 months looked like for the most part, I'd say, something like this:

Despite completing a Master level course with a solid A, enjoying the course, and staying alive and sane in the progress, this was an experience I could not have recommended to any new mom!

The Ethics class starts August 18th. Then I will be done with the education part for good.
Sooner than this, on August 10th, starts my online class in International Organizations. Can't believe it all worked out well and I actually got access to it!

The first draft of the Business Plan calculations is done. There is much more to it than I expected, so it will require a couple of updates.

Early July Von Zobel and I managed to get out for next-to-last Kurious performance in Denver. First and foremost, God bless sisters as good as mine! Second, it's amazing how once you put a goal to go out/ have a date every month, you actually come up with opportunities and ideas to do so, and are less afraid of leaving your kids for several hours (less afraid for the person babysitting that is! :) ).

The reading goal is 50% complete - 25 books read, and 25 more to go. So many more interesting books on my list, and I have absolutely no idea if going through them at the same speed I'm going now will help me cover them all before year end.

Did some home improvement, changing the carpet in boys' and guest bathrooms to tile. No more carpet drowning, Dr. Chill Sr! The funniest thing was - the tile installation started right when I was in the hospital with Dr. Chill Jr. Having disappeared for a couple of weeks after receiving the payment from me, the company called me a few hours right after giving birth saying the team can be at our place to start working on the floor the next day, and that it is important I agree on this as they are not sure when the next availability would come up. Drugged and exhausted as I was, I was still able to understand what they meant and coordinate the installation with Liz and Nanny, instead of using my right of a woman who just gave birth to lose it and yell at them to pull their shit together, which once again proves I'm a Wonder Woman. 

Traveling still does not look realistic until end of this year, International travel for sure.

How I can most effectively combine studying and taking an exam with the rest of the goal on my list, and still spending as much time with my family as possible still remains a mystery. But I'll sure find a way.

Adding to the agenda - finding a new good nanny; putting together a new Fall schedule.

My body is happy, my body is singing, my body is back to gym!

 It is an amazing feeling to have your body under control again, do what feels good, do what you know is right. Surprisingly, I'm not even half as much out of shape as I thought I would be after pregnancy. I would like to believe that all those yoga classes, walking and swimming during this last few weeks of pregnancy are finally paying off. 

Definitely, any woman who takes her health, physical capabilities, mental state of mind for granted - should have at least one kid in her life to fully appreciate being in harmony with herself, strength and self control.

Heading towards birthday party on Saturday evening all by itself seemed unreal:

All the way along  E470 where the road sides are neatly landscaped with multi-color pebbles and the open space on both sides is just too vast and bright. Big mall on late Saturday afternoon is heated all the way through and filled with people. I find myself standing near a crossroad with with my phone in hand, trying to figure out where the painting studio is, when I suddenly notice fountains to the left of me and kids trying to jump into the upright stream of water, and their mothers sitting at street cafe tables nearby, and the pretzel booth right in front of me, and a group of guys in their thirties wearing shorts and sandals throwing a glance as we walk past each other... and the sun keeps heating and heating up the pavement under my feet, and the Sun dazzles.

The feeling of a realness comes back to me. I feel like being on a mall on a Saturday evening,  where everybody is just relaxing, having fun and wasting time - is not right for me. It is just like being lost somewhere in time, being several years back, where nothing of my presence life exists.
Or maybe, it would make sense to live this very moment in time at a different place right now: for example, celebrating the birthday of Switzerland, being  there to live through this vivid outdoor experience right now. 

But then, here I am. Scary to think what would become of my feelings and perception of reality should I not force push myself to normal life as soon as possible, following crucial and significant changes in my life.

The Universe conspired in giving me another quick life lesson:

Always entrust services and assistance that concern your family to professionals. Always outsource to professionals. Don't be nice to friends of family, don't be nice to friends of friends; don't buy their rushing to get out of a tough life situation and unfair employment conditions right now.

Always. Use. Professionals.

I thought this hard earned wisdom is so important I should put sticking to it on my 2016 resolutions list. Then I realized  there was still almost half of 2015 left, so I'd better start sticking to it now.

One call home - and within a second an emptiness grows deep inside.

The person who taught me to play chess, told the plot of the whole Le Comte de Monte-Cristo before I read the novel and the plot of Gaidai's comedies before I watched them, who was doing math lessons with me, told me jokes about his work when I was a kid and shared the memories of his service in the army and bomb testing after, who came up with the name for my sister and could have been a successful scientist had he been born in a different country - died. 

And now deep inside there's nothing but emptiness, sorrow and worry about Dad and Grandma. They're coping ok now, but what about when the shock and stress fade?

Now I only have Grannies left. 

I'm only happy he feels good now and does not suffer anymore, and that he had seen his both great grandsons.

All I feel like doing this first month of postpartum recovery

is eating, sleeping and watching distracting movies or tv-series.
Of that the closest I can get to is eating, and even that is an irregular and chaotic activity.

Instead, I ended up with an MBA course to complete, two bureaucratic systems to fight, a toddler to entertain and maintain good relationship with (never mind the order of appearance, that's #1 priority), a crowdfunding campaign proposal and grant proposal drafts to write, scanning job market for some challenging and rewarding job opportunities, - that's not to mention non-stop cleaning, cooking, laundry and other secondary, life supporting activities.

One interesting child-gadget that's new for us - is the Bob Duallie stroller with a car seat adapter. There's something incredibly fun putting both little Chinchillas in the same stroller, and watch them give the proud important looks of CEOs in BMW-7 series from their seats (one can have this look being few weeks old). Top this up with ankle weights and a good audio book in the smartphone - and having two small children is getting better and better!

Grant and crowdfunding proposals are very interesting projects; even though they were new to me when I started - I found it easy to put them together. Probably all business plan writing became useful :)   Speaking of which, there is another business plan I owe to myself, which I get to finish this month...

***
Dark clouds and sporadic sunlight beams outside cast strange light on the branches of the ash. The branches bend in the harsh gusty winds. The whole tree seems to shake from side to side. I have Dr. Chill Jr in my arms, he's looking straight into my eyes. All this creates a weird feeling of the surroundings, time and everything else in my life now being surreal.

My Forensic Accounting assignment on a case study of money laundering scheme by a drug trafficker

has just popped out a question on how the investigation of the suspect for "drug trafficking and money laundering" should be performed. I went over the relevant chapter's introduction and conclusion - no mention of drug trafficking investigation concepts coming as a bonus to the auditing part.

...I'm fighting the urge to reference Breaking Bad series as a source as I'm answering the question, and am wondering whether I will get a chance to apply something from the Forensic Anthropology course I took a few summers ago in my current course as well.  As in: "analyzing skeletal remains while indirectly reconstructing income", for instance.

It's raining cats and dogs.

If I were to put it in a more dramatic way, I would say my life, as I had been living it until recently, was washed away. But I am not dramatic, and the summer started really well.

On Chinchilla Jr's due date nothing went as expected and no one could explain what was going on. The only resemblance from this time two years ago - is that I left for the emergency thinking that in a couple of hours and a few hundred dollars later they will simply send me home, as there is no way I can have the baby today.

Ha.

Within the next 12 hours I first went through a very peculiar experience of having 2 doctors and 3 nurses running around worried about the screening results and, although not being able to fully explain what exactly went wrong, deciding to induce the labor. Just in case. Followed by an attempt of hormonal induction which, apparently, made things even worse and one doctor and a few nurses run around me again. Followed by a perspective of going through a mechanical induction, which I refused to have without anesthesia. Followed by anesthesia which made be sob all out of sudden, then lose my voice and ability to speak completely, then lose ability to even breathe normally. Von Zobel had to bring over a pen and a sheet of paper so I could explain what was happening to me. Followed by attempts to stabilize and get by breathing and voice back - in order to concentrate on getting control over my body back I had to get some focal point, and I could not think of anything better than to start counting out loud in German. Starting out with hissing whisper, but it did the trick! Followed by kind request to the medical team to hold off any further creative plans for induction whatsoever. Followed by good old pitocin and a perspective of an emergency c-section should there be another... well, emergency.

I spent the next couple of hours literally talking my body into cooperation unless it wanted to be cut open; and - interestingly enough - my body listened :) At about 4am it became clear I will not need more induction and most likely - no c-section. That called for a celebration with a cherry popsicle  and nothing else mattered!

When in 4 more hours long awaited Dr Chill Jr made an appearance to our beautiful world, he first moved his head and turned it left and right - Dr Chill Sr had control over his neck and head right away too, so I was not too surprised - and then started quickly pushing his feet, as if trying to crawl.
My first thought was: "Wow, it's been 5 seconds since you were born, and you're trying to run away from me already!..".

The renters got both sets of keys, the new dishwasher is ordered and the time frame for the tile installing will be confirmed soon.

And with the all necessary plumbing done in thee condo I feel like I might have time for having a baby after all :) May was productive!

June, in its first week, has already managed to get some old connections back to me, and new connections that somehow relate to my past work, projects or experience. I wonder what's to become of that.
 The past month brought over 3 new books I read, a big chunk of education for Project B and a sudden "magic kick" on the urgent need to act quick. Also - good to health for family and myself, and no emergencies or accidents, continuous and persistent sport practice (even for the past 2 weeks I did 6 days straight + 5 days straight).
Managed to continue date nights with Von Zobel(God bless younger sisters!),  And should everything go well, tonight's date will mark the goal for the month of June.

There was a trip to Santa Fe, bright and hot, and I  am glad we did make it happen. The summer already looks to be  emerged into family matters and studies, which is of course, of utmost importance right now, although I wouldn't mind having a chance to travel somewhere.

Three days of hail in the row.

It's good that Von Zobel has fully installed the greenhouse: the loss from last night's hail was minimal: a pot of young basil and a pot of flowers.

Interestingly enough, I remember being way more impatient when expecting Arthur - by week 38 I could not wait to meet him in person :) Now I almost don't think about having a baby (and not looking forward to the actual process either), as I know this is something that will come around soon anyway. On the contrary - I caught myself saying a couple of times last weekend when talking to somebody at a party: "Oh, there's no way I can have my son in the next few days, I'm way too busy this week!", "Too much going on, and all the unfinished stuffed in the condo... I definitely can't have the baby before my due date" :) The attitude does change. Now it is - "what goes around comes around, I just need to make sure in the next couple of weeks I'm done with my prenatal-bucket-list and do not become more sleep deprived than I will anyway become... in a month".

In a month I will be able to wear my regular clothes again. I will be able to go to sauna, have all-I-can-eat raw fish sushi rolls, resume running, boxing and long walks with audio courses in my ears, ankle weights and a stroller to push...

The lane lines in our swimming pool are light-blue and white. So are the little flags stretched above the center of the pool. When swimming back and forth becomes too boring and annoying, focusing on the colors and ignoring sounds can help imagine I'm somewhere in Bavaria :)